WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 4

 

We went to Spain on Holiday

But we didn’t like it a bit

The local supermarket

Didn’t even sell a proper biscuit

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 3

 

We went on holiday to Spain

But the shopkeepers couldn’t be lazier

The shops closed in the afternoon

I ran out of fags during the Siesta

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 2

 

We went on holiday to Spain

The taxi drivers were a nightmare

All of them were Spanish

Now how can that be fair?

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 1

 

We went on holiday to Goa in India

We won’t go back in a hurry

I was disgusted to find that almost

Every restaurant served curry

I ALWAYS WEAR A SEAT BELT

 

I always wear a seat belt

Even though they do constrict

But I couldn't work out how

To do it up and then it clicked

I WENT AWAY TO A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY

 

I went away to a third world country in secret

Because I knew the British doctors would scoff

So, I went ahead and had a cheap circumcision

But although it was a lot cheaper it was a rip off

ARE YOU WEARING A SOMBRERO?

 

Are you wearing a sombrero?

Have you been somewhere in the sun?

I was told you were in Cahoots

I didn’t believe it for a second hon.

I told them you can’t go there alone

You have to be there with someone.

DON’T PICK UP HITCHHIKERS

 

“Don’t pick up hitchhikers”

I was told “don’t do it ever”

Unless of course it was you

Who actually ran them over

THE WORLD HAS BECOME A SMALLER PLACE

 

The world has become a smaller place

And it will never be a big world again

But wherever you go things are the same

I wish I could uninvent the Aeroplane

AN EMPTY TANGO

 

An empty tango

Tin can

Propelled by

A careless hand

Through the window

As the car sped

Set it dancing

The tin can fandango

In balletic style

It rhythmically moves

Doing the

The litterbug Jitterbug

I WAS STUCK IN TRAFFIC

I was stuck in traffic

And cursing they delay

And whatever problem

That was in the way

 

There was an accident

Bike versus van

Resulting in Life changing

Injuries To a man

 

And my one concern

Had been the inconvenience        

But though I was late

I was not as a consequence

 

Left unable to walk

Or injured in anyway

Yes, I was late for work

But I was still ok

UNDER A SLATE GREY SKY

 

Under a slate grey sky

Or against a back drop of blue

Crossing bridges

Over river and stream

Thru woods and fields

Onward and upward

Over hill and vale

Riding the rails

The Locomotive speeds

Across the countryside

The marvel of the age

IT WAS AT SOUTHWAITE SERVICES

 

It was at Southwaite services

Where I stopped though in a rush

And experienced for the first time

The disconcerting autoflush

 

I’m sure it’s quite an innovation

But it doesn’t work for me

When auto flush sprinkled my

Undercarriage Mid delivery

ARE YOU WEARING A SEAT BELT?

 

Are you wearing a seat belt?

Well, you must as it’s the law

Yes, I know its confining

But not as much as a mortuary draw

I’M THINKING ABOUT TAKING A HOLIDAY # 6

 

I’m thinking about taking a holiday

But I don’t know where to go

One possibility is in Suspense

That makes the adrenalin flow

SOMEWHERE UNPRONOUNCEABLE # 3

 

I went on holiday to somewhere unpronounceable

The people suffered poverty and starvation

All the inhabitant had to live in their cars

It was the first time I’d come across an in-car-nation

I’M THINKING ABOUT TAKING A HOLIDAY # 5

 

I’m thinking about taking a holiday

But I don’t know where to go

What if I end up in Capable

I find that that’s often where I go

SOMEWHERE UNPRONOUNCEABLE # 2

 

I went on holiday to somewhere unpronounceable

Who have a novel approach to automation

You are not prohibited to own a motor car

Unless it is Pink, making them a Pink Car-nation

I’M THINKING ABOUT TAKING A HOLIDAY # 4

 

I’m thinking about taking a holiday

But I don’t know where to go

I have never been in Flexible

But I really don’t know

I think it’s important to stand firm

So I would have to say no

SOMEWHERE UNPRONOUNCEABLE # 1

I went on holiday to somewhere unpronounceable

Who have a novel approach to automation

You are not prohibited to own a motor car

Unless it is Red, making them a Red Car-nation