THE COLDEST COUNTRY ON EARTH

 

The coldest country on earth

Is not Lapland? Isn’t that silly

It’s a place that make you shiver

But nothing at all like Chile

IF THE MOUNTAINS OF THE WORLD

 

If the mountains of the world

Were to be put to the test

The most intelligent one

Would be mount cleverest

THE EBOLA CRISIS IS CAUSING CONCERN

 

The Ebola crisis is causing concern

And is causing the Americans to fret

And what the people want to know

Is why aren’t their troops there yet

THE NEEDLES

 

The needles lie half submerged

Bleached skeletal vertebrae

Of a long dead sunken beast

That once basked in Alum bay

THE WORLD HAS BECOME A SMALLER PLACE

 

The world has become a smaller place

And it will never be a big world again

But wherever you go things are the same

I wish I could uninvent the Aeroplane

EAST OF KINTYRE

 

On the Mull of Kintyre

I stood atop the steep cliffs

On a day so crisp and clear

And looked out towards the east

And it was possible to see

The mystical Ailsa Craig

And the Ayrshire coast beyond

WEST OF KINTYRE # 3

 

On the Mull of Kintyre

I stood atop the steep cliffs

On a day so crisp and clear

And looked out towards the west

Where it was possible to make out

Malin Head in Donegal

WEST OF KINTYRE # 2

 

On the Mull of Kintyre

I stood atop the steep cliffs

On a day so crisp and clear

And looked out towards the west

Where it was possible to see

Rathlin Island clear as day

And Ballycastle just beyond

ALPINE QUERY

 

“Dad, Dad where are the Alps”?

“I’m sorry son I cannot say

Ask your mother she’s the one

Who tidies all the stuff away”?

TENSE TRAVELLER

 

I just returned yesterday

From the town of Oldham

But as that is in the past now

I suppose it should be Feltham

CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE?

 

Can you imagine what it would be like?

To live on a housing estate

And be permanently ill at ease

Feeling your neighbours hate

 

Not just occasional hatred

But every day for sixty years

Each successive act of hate

Designed to optimise your fears

 

Can you imagine what it would be like?

To fear not just for your own life

But to be fearful for the safety

Of your children and your wife

 

Having to be always vigilant

Trying to anticipate their acts of spite

Surrounded by a sea of bile

For six decades without respite

 

Can you imagine what it would be like?

To know all your neighbour’s want your death

Want to eradicate you from existence

To squeeze from you your dying breath

 

If you can imagine this kind of life

And feel that bitter hatred daily

Then you should perhaps understand

How it feels to be an Israeli

FINDING THE NEW WORLD

 

Maria was asked by the teacher

To go to the map and find America

The girl walked to the map and pointed

“Here it is miss, this is America”

“Well done, now class who can tell me

Who discovered America?”

Immediately a boy’s hand shot in the air

“That’s easy miss it was Maria”

ONCE IN SOUTH-WESTERN GERMANY

 

Once in South-western Germany

In a time now only a tropical echo

Lived an insectivorous lizard

Known now as a Blackforest gecko

THE AMAZON BASIN

 

I was surprised to find

My wife was interested

In the Amazon Basin

But it turned out to be a fad

As she became disinterested

When it arrived broken

THE GLOBAL VILLAGE

 

It’s funny the effect that global communications have had on our lives in the way it has shrunken the globe.

It doesn’t seem to matter where in the world a disaster occurs whether it be, an act of terrorism, a ferocious act of nature or simply a terrible accident we know about it instantly.

Then within an hour of the story breaking a BBC news crew will find a relative of one of the victims living in England.

If a meteor was to strike a previously undiscovered village in the depths of the Amazon jungle a relative of one of the dead villagers will be found living on a rundown housing estate in East London. 

RHETORICAL WAY

 

There is a rhetorical question

That gives me indigestion

How come Hawaii at any rate

Does not have an interstate