WHEN WE REACHED CRUISING ALTITUDE

 

When we reached cruising altitude

As we headed for another continent

The cabin light dimmed to enhance,

The appearance of our flight attendant

I HAVE A PHOBIA ABOUT FLYING

 

I have a phobia about flying

And I won’t fly Virgin, no way

After all why use an airline

That doesn’t go all the way?

THE AIRPLANE WAS INVENTED

 

The Airplane was invented

By an optimist

While the parachute was

Invented by a pessimist

THE WORLD HAS BECOME A SMALLER PLACE

 

The world has become a smaller place

And it will never be a big world again

But wherever you go things are the same

I wish I could uninvent the Aeroplane

AS WE APPROACHED THE AIRPORT

 

As we approached the airport

The warning light went on

And I had to return the stewardess

To the upright position

THE WORLD HAS BECOME A BLEAKER PLACE

 

The world has become a bleaker place

And it will never be a safe world again

Death can be delivered unseen from above

I wish I could uninvent the Aeroplane

PRESIDENTIAL FLIGHT

 

When POTUS bought a new thoroughbred

It had to be flown across from London 

And as it was the Presidential Colt

It had to be flown over on AirHorse 1

IN THE EVENT OF ???

 

When three out of four engines

Catastrophically fail during flight

You will still have enough power

To get you safely to the crash site

HOW DO YOU MAKE A FRUIT FLY?

 

How do you make a fruit fly?

Well first a ticket you need to buy

Then give him a good snort

And then take him to the airport

BAGGAGE REGULATIONS

 

A vulture boarded

A jumbo jet

Carrying two dead

Marmoset

 

The stewardess said

"I'm sorry sir,

Only one carrion
Per passenger"

NO FRILLS

 

Ryanair have had to execute

Disembarkation via escape chutes

There was no emergency however

It’s just Mr O’Leary being clever

Disembarking on the runway

Is the latest “no frills” way

THE MIRACLE OF FLIGHT

It has been said that the miracle of aviation

Is that the aeroplane is nothing more in interpretation

Than 50000 components flying in close formation

And hopefully all bound for the same destination 

THE WORLD HAS BECOME A BLEAKER PLACE

 

The world has become a bleaker place

And it will never be a safe world again

Death can be delivered unseen from above

I wish I could uninvent the Aeroplane

THE WORLD HAS BECOME A SMALLER PLACE

 

The world has become a smaller place

And it will never be a big world again

But wherever you go things are the same

I wish I could uninvent the Aeroplane

WHEN MECHANICAL PROBLEMS OCCUR

 

When mechanical problems occur,

Preferring to be on the ground

Wishing you were in the air

Is a philosophy that’s sound,

Compared to being in the air

Wishing you were on the ground

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – THE SPIRIT OF ST. LOUIS (1957)

 

“The Spirit of St. Louis” is a biographical drama, based on the book by Charles A. Lindbergh adapted by Charles Lederer and Directed by Billy Wilder.

The film is a Biography of Charles “Slim” Lindburgh’s life, covering the period from his days on the precarious mail runs in aviation's infancy with his friend Bud Gurney (Murray Hamilton) to his solo transatlantic crossing from Roosevelt Field on New York's Long Island to Le Bourget Airport in Paris.

But he was more than a pilot because Charles Augustus 'Slim' Lindbergh (James Stewart) co-financed the Spirit of St. Louis, a fabric-covered, single-seat, single-engine “Ryan NYP” high-wing monoplane which he jointly designed with Ryan's chief engineer Donald A. Hall (Arthur Space).

But the drama of the story comes once he is airborne and alone in the empty skies with only the open ocean below him.

BUDGET

 

They take you here

They take you there

To do it cheap

Just fly Chav air

SAFE AS SAFE

If flying is so safe

So safe you’re invulnerable

Why do they call?

The airport the terminal? 

LOST LUGGAGE

 

It was a dreadful flight

And it was late as well

Then I couldn't find my case

On the baggage carousel

So, I went to “lost luggage”

To report the loss of it

The woman looked the part

But I didn’t trust her a bit

She said she would apply 

Her professional hand

Then she said “now tell me

“When does your plane land?”

RHETORICAL EMERGENCY AGAIN

 

There is a rhetorical question

That gives me indigestion

Why are there flotation devices

Under airplane seat crev-ices,

In the unlikely event of a crisis

Instead of parachutes devices?