RETIRED PEOPLE DON’T CARE BEING

 

Retired people don’t care being

Called Pensioners on any account

Because the name pensioner comes

With a concessionary discount

ONE OF THE GREAT BENEFICIAL # 1

 

One of the great beneficial

Things after you retire

Is that polished shoes

Are considered formal attire

SENIOR CLASSES

 

The biggest advantage

Of taking classes while in retirement

Is if you play hooky

No one is going to ring your parents

AFTER HER EXAMINATION

After her examination

The doctor said

"I can find no reason

For the pain in your head

Now let me see the thing

That gets ladies in distress”

At which point the lady

Lifted up her dress

And started to remove

All her underwear

At first all he could do

Was stand and stare

But then caused the doctor

To loudly shout

“No don’t take them off

Just stick your tongue out"

SENIOR PHARMACY

 

When I go to the chemist

The cost is beyond belief

And everything in my basket

Says it’s for fast relief

SUPERSEX

 

“Supersex” the old lady said

To the seniors group

And in reply they chorused

"We'll take the soup"

ARE YOU WEARING A PONYTAIL?

 

Are you wearing a ponytail?

Don’t you think that look is stale?

Even at its most dizzy height

That look never looked quite right

 

So, what were you thinking?

When you decided to have it done

It’s not appropriate for you

Now you’ve just turned eighty-one

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY AND I’M SEVENTY THREE

 

It’s my birthday today and I’m seventy three

And I’m fit as a fiddle, nothing wrong with me

Although my memory's not like it used to be

And also my memory's not like it used to be

CHRONIC CONTRADICTION

 

I am definitely not getting past it

I’m sorry I have to contradict

But my back trouble is a result

Of being Athletic, not arthritic

MY HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE

 

As I stood on my drive

I saw cracking little lass

Bend over on the footpath

Showing me her ass

 

My high blood pressure

Went up even more

Then my pacemaker

Opened the garage door

FEEL YOUR AGE

 

You know I still feel

"Young at heart"

But considerably older

In every other part

DIVIDING OPINION

 

Because of the obvious risk

That one of us might fall

I had a stair lift fitted

Which I don’t mind at all

But my wife says that its

Driving her up the wall

DANCING TO HIP HOP

 

I like breakin’ and poppin’

And dancing to Hip hop

At Sixty I should be stoppin’

As I’m down for a Hip op

GERIATRIC DOCTOR

The Doctor on the geriatric ward

Placed his stethoscope

On the chest of an elderly patient

By the name of Mrs Hope

 

She was quite a bit deaf

So, he said “big breaths,” loudly

“Well Doctor they used to be,”

Mrs Hope replied proudly

FOR MY 60TH BIRTHDAY

 

For my 60th birthday

I bought myself a sports car

It’s my pride and joy

Not that’s it’s been very far

As there is a slight problem

An oversight I have to admit

I need a hip replacement

Before I can get in it

SENIOR BUFFER

 

I went into PC World

With a print error

And their solution

Filled me with terror

 

The spotty youth

On his help desk stint

Said I had to

Control P to print

WHEN MY GRAN GOT OUT OF BED # 3

 

When my Gran got out of bed

After bedding one of her chaps

She felt pains down below

Coz she was standing on her flaps

I HAVE FOUND AT MY AGE

 

I have found at my age

When the day is dawning

The easiest thing in the world

Is to roll out of bed in the morning

Getting up off the floor however

Really leaves me yarning

WHEN MY GRAN GOT OUT OF BED # 2

 

When my Gran got out of bed

After one too many tipples

She didn’t even notice that she

Was standing on her nipples

MEMORY MAN

 

I remember the words

To every number one

Since 1968

Every single one

But for some reason,

Not that anyone cares,

I can’t remember why

I walked up the stairs