I WANT TO DIE PEACEFULLY IN MY SLEEP # 2

 

I want to die peacefully in my sleep

Like my Great Aunt Jane

And not screaming in terror

Like the passenger on her plane

AFTER A LOCAL MAN WAS KILLED

 

After a local man was killed

By a falling piano

It has been announced

A low-key funeral will follow

IT WAS A ONCE IN A LIFE TIME TRIP

 

It was a once in a lifetime trip

That the site suggested you buy

However, the trip was to Dignitas

But I suppose the advert didn’t lie

YOU CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YOU

 

“You can’t take it with you”

That’s what they say

But at the end of the day

A Will is a dead giveaway

THE LONG WAIT

 

My Dad had cancer

And from the moment

He had to succumb

It was thirteen years

Before heart failure

Was to take my mum

She was so unhappy,

Partly because

His passing left her numb,

But not only that,

She was angry because

She was the lonely one

He wasn’t supposed

To go first, he was supposed

To mourn mum

So, at her funeral

I smiled to myself

Even though I was glum 

Thinking about them

Reuniting and the bollocking

That was to come

DON’T TAKE A FENCE

 

My uncle John the fence died

When I heard I felt quite sorry

It was poetic justice though

As he fell off the back of a lorry

BLASTED

 

The difference between

Taking many lives away

And the making

Of a brand-new life today

Either being blasted into eternity

By a guided missile

Or being blasted into maternity

By a guided muscle

GOOD BYE BABY DOLL

You lie alone

So small, so fragile

Boxed like a doll

In a toy store window

Where passers-by say

“It’s almost lifelike”

But you are not a doll

You are not for sale

For you are not whole

The essence that was you

Has left you empty

Like a box within a box

You lie alone

Your angelic soul

Was borne to heaven

On the wings of a dove

AN ESTATE WORSE THAN DEATH

 AN ESTATE WORSE THAN DEATH

 

On that grey Monday morning in March a dozen years ago I was called to my mum’s home, a Guinness trust property, where she had passed away peacefully in the night.

I sat on her bed holding her hand for a long while until the doctor came.

While he went through the formalities, I began the painful task of notifying the rest of the family.

The doctor came down the stairs and expressed his regrets and offered his condolences then he left, and I continued with the phone calls until the coroner arrived.

Within half an hour of the coroner visiting

There were ten people queuing outside the estate office all staking their claim for her house.

Less than an hour after the coroner and my mum’s body had left the house, I had a visit from the estate manager who did not as you might imagine offer condolences sympathies or regrets but wanted to know when the property would be vacated.

Once we had agreed on a date he left, and his parting shot was “if nobody wants the three piece suite I wouldn’t mind it”

What is the world like?

What are people like? 

LIFE AFTER DEATH

 

When I die my destiny is already fated

As my wife plans to have me cremated

Then she will use my ashes in a trice

Confined within an egg timing device

Her reasoning is simple to be truthful

That I will at least in death be useful

As in life revenge for my eternal toil

Is to finish before she’s come to the boil

A QUESTION BEFORE I GO

 

A husband and wife were lucky to have four sons

The youngest boy was different to the older ones

The older three were tall had light skin, and red hair

While the youngest was short blue eyes and was fair

When the father took ill and was lying on his deathbed

With all his strength he turned to his wife and said

“Darling, before I die, please be totally honest with me

Is our youngest son mine as he’s not like the other three?”

“I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son.”

The wife replied, and then with a smile he was gone

The wife then muttered to herself almost silently

“Thank God he didn't ask me about the other three.”

IN ATTENDANCE

 

The only reason so many people

Were at the man’s funeral, it’s said

Was that they wanted to be sure

The insufferable man was dead

DEATH IN THE SHADOWS

 

Death in the shadows

Grim reaper take flight

Don’t let me be the one

You’re coming for tonight

Uncanny Tales – (002) Death in the Dulcets

It was a beautiful sunny summer afternoon in the equally beautiful Finchbottom Vale, though the occasion in the Dulcets was a sombre one after the funeral service for Clive Pavey at St Bede’s.

The Dulcets were a collection of villages and hamlets comprising of Dulcet Meadow, Dulcet St Mary, Dulcet Green and Dulcet-on-Brooke, to name but a few, and of course the location of the gloomy gathering, Dulcet-on-Willow which was a large sprawling village beside the gentle shallow River Willow, which ran unhurriedly from the Pepperstock Hills to the more vibrant River Brooke.

But it was on the terrace overlooking the gentle River Willow that Jamie Stirling saw Laura standing alone, bathed in the afternoon sun as she stared out into the distance.

Jamie was a thirty something solicitor and longstanding family friend of the Pavey’s.      

He walked up behind her and lightly stroked the back of her naked arm.

“Are you ok darling?” he asked

“No not really” she replied, and the tears immediately welled up in her already red eyes as she turned towards him, so he took her in his arms and she dissolved completely into tears.

“It’s ok darling” He whispered, “let it all go”

And as she sobbed uncontrollably into his chest Jamie kissed the top of her head and smiled smugly, he had always wanted her and now he had her in his arms and he intended to keep her there.

He held her close to him and stroked her back as she sobbed until the moment, she lifted her head and said

“I’m getting you all wet Jamie” 

“I don’t care” He replied, and she broke down again as he was holding in his arms the very beautiful woman he had not only lusted after for more than five years but who he had actually been in love with for four of those years.

He knew that she liked him too, but she liked his friend Clive more and he cursed the day he introduced them, because she fell head over heels for him and he for her.

As she sobbed her heart out and he consoled her with his empty words, all he could think of was how much he had always wanted her and that now, at long last, he was going to have her, after the death of his friend and her husband.

He made no excuses for what some might consider to be shameful thoughts as he held onto the grieving widow in her mourning clothes.

He would have continued to hold her had it not been for the sudden and unexpected arrival on the scene of Laura’s mother, who took her back inside to grieve more privately, she had never liked Jamie and had always been able to see through him.

He looked on as Mrs Shand led her daughter away in her widow’s weeds while offering her words of comfort and remained on the terrace for a few minutes after they disappeared from view and smiled, as he contemplated his next move, her mother may have given him a look as she led Laura away which said unequivocally

“You’re not having her”

But he was confident that he would soon make his move and Mrs Shand would do well not to interfere.

Because he had no doubt that he would succeed, as he would be there for Laura, over the coming weeks and months, and he would soon be in her heart and her bed.

There was a look in Laura’s eyes, as her mum lead her away when she looked back at him and weakly smiled that told him that, of course he would never succeed with her if she was ever to find out that he was responsible for her widowhood.

And should Mrs Shand attempt to interfere with his plans then there would soon be another funeral in Dulcet-on-Willow.

 

A Mixed Bag of Poems

AT THE ELEVENTH HOUR

At the eleventh hour
On the eleventh day
Of the eleventh month
We heard the generals say
You can go home now lads
To the land you’ve defended
Thank God one and all
That the madness has ended

MICHAELMAS DAISY

Lovely Miss Aster,
My flower girl Maisie
My natural beauty
I love her like crazy
My own precious
Michaelmas Daisy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD

Happy birthday dad
See, we did remember
Because you are so dear
Just like every year

We will never forget
We just wish and wish
You were still here
Just like every year

So we wish you
A happy birthday
And wipe away a tear
Just like every year

Harold Curtis 19/6/1922 – 8/5/1978

DANCING PIXIES IN THE GREEN

Dancing pixies in the green
And sparkling water sprites
Oft heard but never seen
Bathing in the morning light

DEATH IN THE SHADOWS

Death in the shadows
Grim reaper take flight
Don’t let me be the one
You’re coming for tonight

PEBBLES SMOOTH

Pebbles smooth,
Like crude glass
Smoothed by nature
Time and tide
Its patterned form
Marbled in style
Sits comfortably
In the fingers
To be skimmed
Back to the ocean

I HEAR A SINGING CHILD

I hear a singing child
Innocently engrossed
In childish play
Singing sweetly
To her audience of dolls
Safely oblivious
In her enchanted world
Would that it could
Always be that way

DEAR OSCAR

He was witty
Blessed with a fine mind
A bel esprit
And was the clever kind

MICHAELMAS DAY

Feast of the Archangels
As the autumn equinox nears
Michaelmas marks the turning
Of the husbandman's year

29th September

THE SCULPTOR CREATES

The sculptor creates
With skilful hands
The beauteous article
An artistic gift
Its concept borrowed
From his dreams
And his subconscious mind
To infuse in his design
And create a work of art

DREDGING IS NO SILVER BULLET

Dredging is no silver bullet
Is the word coming from their ranks
But at least it would be something
To prevent rivers bursting their banks
While the environment agency
Just blindly keep on firing blanks

SLAVERY WAS BORN OF EMPIRE

Slavery was born of Empire
But not a European one
Slavery existed for centuries
In fact thousands of years
Way before Europe rose to the fore
Even the Romans came late to the party
Following in Greece’s footsteps
Peoples were enslaved
From around the globe
Where there were trade routes
There was slaving
Arabs traded slaves bought
From African tribesmen
Muslims enslaved slavs
Turks enslaved Ukrainians
Mongols reached into the heart of Europe
And took slaves by the thousand
White Europeans became involved
Black enslaved black
White has enslaved white
I don’t know if it will ever end
I certainly hope so
But what I do know is
That the British didn’t invent it

ORIGINAL FAIRY TALES

Original Fairy Tales
Were not devised
To scare children
And inform them
That monsters existed
Children already knew
There were monsters
What Fairy Tales did
Was to teach children
That monsters
Could be beaten

NAZISM WAS LIKE A CANCER

Nazism was like a cancer
Spread across the continent
And when Hitler was defeated
It was not a cure, for the cancer
Was merely in remission

THE DEATH OF DREAMS

He leaves her house
Saying goodnight at the door
And heads homeward
Like so many times before

She has another drink?
Or snorts another line?
No need for a cab
She thinks she’ll be fine

On his lips is the taste
Of his loves last kiss
As he peddles ever onward
Towards the abyss

She drives like a demon
Without any care
Racing over the bridge
Not seeing him there

There is only one winner
When the two come together
Only one outcome
A young man lost forever

In the laws eyes he died a boy
Three days short of being a man
But a very mature boy
A young man with a plan

His life had a purpose
Plans and dreams to be achieved
But his dreams died with him
And they too should be grieved

Too young, too young
To leave dreams unfulfilled
Too soon, too soon
For a young man to be killed

NOT FADE AWAY

Big man
Strong man
Barrel chested
Smiling faced
Hearty man
Where have you gone?
I watched you get into that bed
A few short weeks ago
But you have disappeared
And I don’t know when you went

Your laughter was first to go
That fruity chuckle
That warmed and cheered
Fell silent first
Then your conversation
Once a source of knowledge
Wisdom and sardonic wit
Dried up like a drought stricken lake
Your sentences grew shorter
Disjointed and inarticulate
Until they were no more

Then you began to fade
Like a picture going out of focus
When you opened your eyes
And I looked in them
I saw no one looking back
The spark had gone
You had gone
When had you gone?
We didn’t say goodbye

As I looked at the withering shell
In its unconscious state
I heard the groans, as the pain cut deep
Through the morphine
In the slow agonizing transition
From man to corpse
I cannot pick the moment
At which you were no more
But it was days before rather than hours
When the essential you left
When that which made you, you, was no more
I hoped you were not in there
Suffering
Dying by inches
God I hoped not

What savages we are
To inflict this end on a human being
We would not do it to our favourite pet
We would not treat a dog like this
Yet I let it happen to this man
What indignity
What inhumanity
What kind of son am I?

I will not go this way
I will not fade away
I will not vanish
Before my loved ones eyes
I will say my goodbyes
I will smile before I go
I will go on my termsI will go by my own hand

THE LAST TOMMY John “Harry” Patch 17th June 1898 – 25th July 2009

God bless you Harry Patch
The last British Tommy to fall
Jack, Jill and Maudie are waiting
Can you hear that distant bugle call?
The serried ranks stand cheering
Calling you to glory Harry
Calling you to reassemble
You must go now no time to tarry
Jack, Jill and Maudie Allen
Are waiting to greet you proudly
Goodbye Harry so long old friend
Can you hear the bugle calling loudly?
Come to the cookhouse door boys
Come to the cookhouse door
Oh fallen heroes, oh hearty lads
I fear we will see your like no more

Jack, Jill and Maudie Allen where the nicknames of Harry Patch’s Lewis machine gun crew who were killed by shell fire on Pilkem Ridge, Passchendaele, Belgium in 1917

HARRY’S LAST POST

Soldiers bear the last of the lads
In casket draped in the union flag
And then a reverent silence falls
Before the last post’s mournful call
Trumpeting his journey into grace
To feel his comrades warm embrace
Goodbye Harry a soldier known
The final Tommy going home

TIME IS A GREAT HEALER

Time is a great healer
That’s what they said
That’s what they told me
After you were dead
Banal words of wisdom
And benevolent attitudes
Empty words and gestures
And worthless platitudes
Only one thing
Can ever take the pain away
And you’re not coming back
No matter how hard I pray
I just wish with all my heart
We could have gone together
And I would not feel so lonely
And I’d be with you forever