MY KIDS ARE MAD AT ME

 

I put Ginger in the Curry

And my kids are angry at that

I thought it was very tasty

But they really loved that cat

MEMORY OF AN ELEPHANT

 

Apparently, my Dad

Has the memory of an Elephant

When he was a boy

At the Zoo he saw an Elephant

MY DAD HAD TO HAVE HIS CAT PUT DOWN

 

My Dad had to have his cat put down

It was all terribly sad

He didn’t find that the lethal injection

Was all that bad

But what the vet said afterwards

Really upset my Dad

“That’s the first of the injections

Out of the way Mr Plaid

Only another eight to go”

Which was when Pop went mad

ELEPHANTS HAVE REALLY THICK SKIN

 

Even though they never forget

Elephants have really thick skin

So, you can say whatever you like

And really stick the knife in

MY DOG MUST BE MUSICAL

 

My dog must be musical

What rubbish I hear you groan

But he must be I tell you

As I saw him eating a trombone

CEPHALOPODS

 

I just couldn’t make the octopus laugh

I thought he was either stupid or fickle

But no, you just need to know the secret

So, to make him laugh takes ten tickles

ADOPT A WILD CAT

 

They want me to adopt a wild cat

Which is quite absurd

Where on earth am I going to keep

A fully-grown Leopard?

AT DR DOOLITTLE’S ANIMAL CLINIC

 

At Dr Doolittle’s animal clinic

The Animals do the lot

The chief vet is a Labrador

Assisted by a dog called spot

 

But it’s not a cheap option

With extra charges of all sorts

For PET scans and Polly grams

Cat scans and Lab reports

THE WILDLIFE DOWN UNDER

 

The wildlife down under

Includes the Wallabies

But if truth be known they’re

Just Kangaroo Wannabies

IN THE EUROPEAN FORESTS

 

In the European forests

The wild boar can be vicious

But it’s worth the risk

As they’re bloody delicious

THIS TALK OF CULLING BADGERS

 

This talk of culling badgers

Is completely unsound

If we keep discussing it

We’ll drive them underground

THE LARGE HUNG-OVER NORTHERN ELK

 

The morning after the night before

When his head is like a helter-skelta

The large hung-over northern Elk

Has to reach for the Elka-seltza

MOOSE ON THE LOOSE

 

When a Moose goes on holiday

He likes nothing better

Than eating the local cuisine

Especially the Moosesaka

THE CARIBOU COLLECTIVE

 

The Caribou is the soberest beast

A wandering woodsman could meat

But get them in a group of threes or twos

They soon become the Caribooze

THE MERITS OF FERRETS

 

The merits of ferrets

Are the traits he inherits

For hunting the rabbit

In the place they inhabit

BREAKFAST FOR MAISIE

 

This morning, mewing loudly

The cat greeted me

She clearly wanted her breakfast

So I gave her mewsly

SOME OF THEM

 

Some make you cringe

Some drive you mad

Some make you freeze

Some scare you bad

 

Some are enormous

Some are minute

Some are horrendous

Some are quite cute

 

Some of them jump

Some cause a rash

Some make a buzz

Some make you dash

 

Some make you itch

Some make you sick

Some kill you slow

Some kill you quick

 

Some of them bite

Some of them crawl

Some are big

Some are small

But what they share

Is that insects appal

I have to be honest

I hate them all

AT THE ANIMAL SHELTER

 

I went to an Animal shelter today

I wasn’t impressed as a matter of fact

It was incredibly small an pokey

There wasn’t enough room to swing a cat

 

DEADLY RECREATION

 

Don’t go swimming

When the red flags fly

Don’t go in the water

When the waves are high

 

Don’t go swimming

If it’s too risky

And don’t even dip a toe in

The hepatitis sea

DEADLY HYMENOPTERA

 

Insects are dangerous

I thought you should know

Some kill you quick

Some kill you slow

 

Some poison the blood

In your arteries

Yes, I’m talking about

The hepatitis bee