WHENEVER I HAVE ANY SPARE CASH

 

Whenever I have any spare cash

I give it all to Charity

She appeals to me everynight

On pay per view TV

I’VE JUST SEEN AN APPEAL ON TV

 

I’ve just seen an appeal on TV

The plight is so unfair

Reuniting the separated

Lids with the tupperware

SAVING DONKEYS

 

I made a huge donation

To a Donkey Charity

As they were being abused

At the donkey spanktuary

AFTER THE SCANDAL OF AID WORKERS

 

After the scandal of aid workers

And their relationships with prostitutes

They needed to be reminded it seems

That they were there for the destitute

CHERYL COLE LIKE OTHER CELEBS

 

Cheryl Cole like other celebs

Feels she’d like to do her bit

And she wants to fight Malaria

Because you’re worth it

HOW THEY EXPLOIT OUR COMPASSION

 

How they exploit our compassion

With emotional blackmail

They paint us

Pitiful tableaux’s

Of fly ridden waifs

Babies at barren breasts

Or portrait images

Of sad saucer eyed children

Beaten and bruised

Or maybe its pictures

Of Maltreated beasts

That pluck at your heartstrings

The tactics used are quite crude

But anything goes

In the “No holds barred”

World of charity fundraising

As long as they can extract

Our 3 pounds a month

While the poor unfortunates,

The sad stars of the charity show

Are merely lost leaders

I’VE JUST SEEN AN APPEAL ON TV

 

I’ve just seen an appeal on TV

The plight is so unfair

Reuniting the separated

Lids with the Tupperware

I CAN’T BELIEVE THE SIZE OF MY WATER BILL

 

I can’t believe the size of my water bill

It’s really getting me down

According to Oxfam for £3 a month

I can supply a whole town

CHARITY PLEADERS # 2

 

Just 3 pounds a month

From me and you

Will help to pay the lease

On their luxury HQ

CHARITABLE BEQUEST REQUESTS # 2

 

Not happy just to pester me in life

The Red Cross want me instead

To change my last will and testament

To take my money when I’m dead

CHARITY PLEADERS # 1

 

Just 3 pounds a month

Will help them meet their quota

So, the fund raisers can drive

Their 30 grand motor

VERY RED CROSS

 

I supported the Red Cross

For many Years

But their hard sell tactics

Brought me to tears

 

Not content with

My monthly subscription

They bombarded me with requests

Of every description

 

First, they told of troubles

In foreign lands

I said “I can’t pay more

Than what I had planned”

 

So, they thought a change of tack

Will open my wallet

And told me what they did

In Nether Wallop

 

Emails and letters

Calling with the hard sell

Well, I’ve had enough

They can go to hell

CHARITABLE BEQUEST REQUESTS # 1

 

The Red Cross are getting greedy

Not happy to just milk me in life

They want me to will them a percentage

Of what should go to my wife

A SCANDAL HAS BROKEN

 

A scandal has broken

Of the very worst kind

It’s totally unforgivable

To my way of mind

That fraud Pudsey Bear

Isn’t really blind

AT THE ANIMAL SHELTER

 

I went to an Animal shelter today

I wasn’t impressed as a matter of fact

It was incredibly small an pokey

There wasn’t enough room to swing a cat

 

AFTER THE SCANDAL OF AID WORKERS

 

After the scandal of aid workers

And their relationships with prostitutes

They needed to be reminded it seems

That they were there for the destitute

I RAN THE CAKE STALL AT THE VILLAGE FETE

 

I ran the Cake stall at the Village Fete

Charging 50 pence per bake

Well, that’s not exactly true

I charged more for “Madeira cake”

HOW THEY EXPLOIT OUR COMPASSION

 

How they exploit our compassion

With emotional blackmail

They paint us

Pitiful tableaux’s

Of fly ridden waifs

Babies at barren breasts

Or portrait images

Of sad saucer eyed children

Beaten and bruised

Or maybe its pictures

Of Maltreated beasts

That pluck at your heartstrings

The tactics used are quite crude

But anything goes

In the “No holds barred”

World of charity fundraising

As long as they can extract

Our 3 pounds a month

While the poor unfortunates,

The sad stars of the charity show

Are merely lost leaders

COMPASSIONLESS

 

When I saw the famine victims of Ethiopia

I said I felt no sympathy for their plight

Flies busy around eyes nose and mouth

I said I felt nothing certainly not contrite

Why did they still have babes at the breast?

Making babies after four years of famine

They could make babies but not find food

Suffering in ways I could not imagine

I refused to be affected by the images

When I saw aids sufferers on television

I was Angry at the emotional blackmail

I said that my heart felt no compassion

 

When I saw the famine victims of Ethiopia

I said I felt no sympathy for their plight

Flies busy around eyes nose and mouth

I said I felt nothing certainly not contrite

Why did they still have babes at the breast?

Making babies with lesions on the skin

They could make babies despite illness

Suffering in ways I could not imagine

I refused to be affected by the images

When I saw aids sufferers on television

I was Angry at the emotional blackmail

I said that my heart felt no compassion

 

When I see the suffering in the world

I feel helplessness for their awful plight

Flies busy around eyes nose and mouth

Because they had no strength left to fight

Of course, they still had babes at the breast

Because making babies is just life continuing

They could still make babies despite all

Suffering in ways beyond my imagining

It’s impossible not to be affected by images

When I see the suffering on television

Despite the cruel emotional blackmail

Of course, my heart feels compassion

I CAN’T BELIEVE THE SIZE OF MY WATER BILL

I can’t believe the size of my water bill

It’s really getting me down

According to Oxfam for £3 a month

I can supply a whole town