REASONS TO BE A MAN

 

It’s good to be a man at any time of year or season.

And here are just a few to show the rhyme and reason.

Your Phone conversations are over in minutes or less.

You get credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

You don’t have to ask where the oil goes in cars.

You don’t need to ask for help to open all your jars.

You don’t care if someone talks behind your back

You buy your underwear in threes for £10 a pack.

You don’t clean the house if the gas man is coming by

Nobody at work has the power to make you cry

You can always take your shirt off on a sunny day

If you do the same work you know you’ll get more pay.

You never have to worry what others are feeling

You can sit cross-legged no matter what you’re wearing.

Old friends don’t care whether you’ve gained weight

Beer guts don’t make you invisible to a potential mate.

You know if you need to go the world is your urinal

You never have to fake as all your orgasms are real

When queuing for the toilet the lines are always shorter.

Gray hair and wrinkles will only give you character.

Hot wax never comes anywhere near your pubic hairs

If you’re thirty-four and your still single nobody cares.

The size of your bum is not a factor when job hunting.

Foreplay is optional and Flowers will fix everything

You can be showered and ready to go in ten minutes.

And you don’t get overcharged by hairdressing twits

Sex means never worrying about your reputation.

One suitcase is all you need for a summer vacation.

You can go to the bathroom without your friends

Car mechanics don’t patronize you about big ends.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough to own

The remote-control handset is yours and yours alone

You don’t have to like them to have sex with them

No one looks at your chest when you talk to them

You know that there’s always a game on somewhere.

And you have a simple relationship with your mother.

You don’t have to shave anything below your head

You don’t have to curl up to a hairy man in bed.

Nudity in films is nearly always of the female variety

You never have to remember a birthday or an anniversary

You don’t care if no one notices your new hairstyle

And you can write your name in the snow and smile.

The ambitions are simple to which you aspire.

Just to become a dirty old man is all you desire.