A Little Bit Of Humour # 49

ARE YOU WEARING IT FOR FUN?

Are you wearing it for fun?
Well that a very funny one
But what’s even funnier
Is that your flies are undone

TAKEAWAYS

When my Dad was just a boy
They didn’t have takeaways
Except in maths which were
Called subtraction in olden days

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 317

Jack Spratt ate not fat
His wife would eat no lean
So she is clinically obese
And he looks like a bean

ARE YOU WEARING A DOILY?

Are you wearing a doily?
Oh it’s some kind of hat?
Oh it’s called a fascinator?
Well I never heard of that

I GOT A TABLET FOR MY BIRTHDAY

I got a Tablet for my Birthday
My wife said “Hip hip hooray”
And I lost all interest in the plasma
When I saw it was Viagra

OPTIMISTS SEE THE WORLD

Optimists see the world,
Each and every day anew
Through Rose tinted lenses
The tint of mine is blue
Which colour my world
With everything I view

IF YOU GET AN EMAIL OR TWO

If you get an email or two
About catching Swine Flu
From tinned cooked ham
Delete them as its Spam

WHEN I WAS A KID I WAS COVERED

When I was a kid I was covered
In chocolate cake dough
Cherries and whipped cream
Life was hard in the gateau

SHE SAID SHE LIKED THE FOUR SEASONS

She said she liked the four seasons
When we first met
So for our first anniversary
I bought her a cruet set

FILTRATION IS ONE OF THE PROCESSES

Filtration is one of the processes
By which water can be made safe to drink
Flirtation is one of the processes
By which couples can see what they think

IT IS A PIVOTAL POINT IN HIS LIFE

It is a pivotal point in his life
When a boy reaches puberty
As he says goodbye to boyhood
And is on the way to his adultery

THE MOST COMMON FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL

The most common form of birth control
Is not as is widely believed, contraception
Birth control is when a man says he wants sex
And the woman employs contradiction

WHEN I PHONE A WOMAN

When I phone a woman
And talk dirty to her
I’m a sexual harasser

But when a woman
Talks dirty to me
I am a good customer

I WAS APPROACHED BY A WOMAN

I was approached by a woman
Doing customer researcher
I decided as I wasn’t in a hurry
I would stop and assist her
"What do you use for grooming?
Perhaps you could take a look”
“No need to consult your list”
I said “I only use “Facebook””

I MET A BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE PARK

I met a beautiful girl in the park
And the sparks flew, literally
She knocked me off my feet
Because she used a Taser on me