A Little Bit Of Humour # 46

ARE YOU WEARING A TIRED EXPRESSION?

Are you wearing a tired expression?
There is also a hint of depression
I recognize that look on a man
You’re a Manchester United fan

OILY FOOD

When my Dad was a boy, there was
No cooking oil or anything like that
Oil was for lubricating the garden gate
And you cooked everything in fat

PENSIONERS DON’T COUNT PENNIES

Pensioners don’t count pennies
Out of necessity
It’s just that only they
Have the time you see

MY SATNAV IS A VERY HELPFUL DEVICE

My Satnav is a very helpful device
But you don’t need to takes its advice
Sometimes you have to give it a rest
Because it doesn’t always know best

EVERY TOM

When you hear
The chorus, from where
The alley cats tarry
Just remember
That every tom
Has a dick, Harry

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 314

What are little boys made of?
Snips and Snails
And puppy dogs tails?
Not bloody likely

ARE YOU WEARING A SELF-SATISFIED EXPRESSION?

Are you wearing a self-satisfied expression?
It’s what I would expect from a banker
But in short what I’m actually saying
Is that I just think you’re a wanker

I FOLLOWED A CAR WITH A BUMPER STICKER

I followed a car with a bumper sticker
“Vets drive like an animal” Was the gist
Then I was almost run off the road
By what must have been a Gynecologist

HE DIDN’T CUT A DASH

He did not in anyway
Cut a dash
His skinny legs
Hung below his shorts
Like two pieces
Of knotted string
And yet he ran
Like a gazelle

SMOKING ISN’T BAD FOR YOU

Smoking isn’t bad for you
Not in my personal view
And what I based that on
Was that it cured my bacon

AN EMPTY TANGO

An empty tango
Tin can
Propelled by
A careless hand
Through the window
As the car sped
Set it dancing
The tin can fandango
In balletic style
It rhythmically moves
Doing the
The litterbug Jitterbug

A NEW MUMMY HAS BEEN DISCOVERED

A new mummy has been discovered
In Egypt by an Italian Professor
It was covered in chocolate and nuts
And is believed to be Pharaoh Rocher

TO THOSE WHO LOOTED

To those who looted electrical goods during rioting,
A Police press conference announced today
Should be aware of the consequences so remember this
The one year manufacturer's warranty runs out in May

A MAN RAN SCREAMING FROM A BUILDING

A man ran screaming from a building
"It’s a boy, I don't believe it, it’s a boy!"
Which would have been quite touching
Had he not been running from a house of joy

APPARENTLY PEOPLE IN DUBAI

Apparently people in Dubai
Don’t understand the Flintstones
And that is the popular view
But it’s not a cultural thing
Nor is it East versus West
As people in Abu Dhabi Do