A Little Bit Of Humour # 42

ARE YOU WEARING A SENSUAL AIR?

Are you wearing a sensual air?
It seems that you are not even aware?
But it flows from each and every hair
I’m sorry i don’t mean to stand and stare
But sensuality follows you everywhere

I WAS ONCE A MEDICAL STUDENT # 5

I was once a medical student
But I didn’t really try
I was asked what “varicose” meant
And said it was nearby

CURRYING FAVOUR

When my Grandfather was a boy
No Curry houses existed near or far
In order to go out for an Indian
He would’ve had to go to India

WHEN I IGNORED THE SATNAV

When I ignored the Satnav
I actually heard it scoff
And when I said “I’ll go my way”
It told me to sod off

THE COMMON TERM FOR SOMEONE

The common term for someone
Who retires but goes to work again
Because they enjoy it too much
To give it up, is criminally insane

PUT DOWN # 54

Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he starts spinning you a line
Just say when your patience is done
“I'm no proctologist, but
I know an asshole when I see one”

SHE WAS DEFINITELY ONE FOR A BARGAIN

She was definitely one for a bargain
Olympic standard if I had a hat I would doff
She liked a bargain so much she had her husband
Circumcised for the sake of ten percent off

YOU ARE NOT MY CUP OF TEA

You are not my cup of tea, though
You’re not beyond help to be sure
But admitting you’re an asshole
Is the first step towards a cure

EXPLAINING TO A TECHNOGEEK

Elaine was trying to explain to her geeky boyfriend
How she had gotten pregnant, with no luck at all
So she put it into techno speak “when I uploaded
From your hard drive you didn’t use a fire wall”

ON MY VERY FIRST DAY AT PRIMARY SCHOOL

On my very first day at primary school
I handed, as instructed, a letter to my teacher
It was addressed to “whom it may concern”
And it had been written by my mother
It read “The opinions expressed by this boy
Are not in any way those of his mother or father”

IF YOUR EMPLOYEE GOES ALL RAGING BULL

If your employee goes all raging bull
Instead of his normal little sparrow
Just say “Easy there Mr Testosterone
Or I’ll replace you with a marrow

THE LIMITATIONS OF MODERN MEDICINE

My friend said I should take my husband
To see a doctor but I don’t know
Modern medicine is excellent but they
Can’t cure “honesty impairment” though

WOMEN DON'T MAKE FOOLS OF MEN

Women don't make fools of men
So don’t believe all the hype
Most men don’t need any help
They are of the do-it-yourself type

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 311

Mary had a little fan
She waved it to and fro
Mary still has her fan
But is it as little? No

ARE YOU WEARING FAIRY WINGS?

Are you wearing fairy wings?
As someone’s special surprise
I hope you’re not a good fairy
And you’re wicked in disguise