PUT DOWN # 22

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

“Hey baby, what's your sign”?

Is a question he may tender

So just reply to him

“My sign is “do not enter””

HOME SPUN PHILOSOPHY # 2

 

We make a living by what we get

That’s one way to live

But the alternative is we make a life

By what we give

HUNTIN’ SHOOTIN’ AND TIPPIN’

 

There was a craze not long ago

A kind of country pursuit

A sport known as cow tipping

Perpetrated by callow youth

 

Now due to the recession

There is a new craze to report

A rural epidemic, fly tipping

It’s popular but not much of a sport

BAGGAGE REGULATIONS

 

A vulture boarded

A jumbo jet

Carrying two dead

Marmoset

 

The stewardess said

"I'm sorry sir,

Only one carrion
Per passenger"

THE BUDDHIST AT THE DENTIST

The Buddhist monk

Following dental examination

Refused an injection

For his required dental extrication

Instead, he chose to

Transcend dental medication

SILENT STANDS

 

Silent stands

The winding gear

The pithead sealed

Five and twenty year

 

Miners no longer toil

With honest dignity

Coal now comes

On boats across the sea

 

Silent stands

The eerie monument

To stubborn arrogance

And bad judgement

 

Rust abounds

As far as you can see

The mining gone for good

That’s Scargill’s legacy

WHAT CAN I EAT?

 

I don’t want Swine flu

So, no more pork for me

I don’t want Bird flu

So, no chicken fricassee

I don’t want mad cow disease

So, no more Beef for me

I don’t want Salmonella

So, no dippy eggs for tea

With mercury in the water

I will no longer eat fish

There is pollution in the air

So, I’ll eat no bird related dish

I cannot eat any type of fruit

Because of insecticides

And all vegetables are out

Because of the herbicides

So, I am at a loss now

To know what I can eat

There is of course chocolate

But then what would be my treat?