HE IS OF VERY NOBLE LINEAGE

 

He is of very noble lineage

Dating from the 11th century

And is so posh he considers

The Royal’s to be new money

AN ELEGANT HARPIST

 

There was an elegant girl playing a harp

And the ambiance couldn’t have been nicer

It was culturally pretentious though, paying

A posh bird to play an oversized cheese slicer

ARE YOU WEARING VELVET GLOVES?

 

Are you wearing velvet gloves?

Oh, how elegantly you’re stood

Their addition, a touch of class

If anyone knew class, you would

They look so elegant on you

I just hope they feel as good

THE LORD AND GENTLEMAN OF THE HOUSE

 

The Lord and gentleman of the house

Eloped with the under cook, Elaine

But his wife was quite sanguine, because

She could have the maid to herself again

HOORAY HENRYS AND HENRIETTA’S

 

Hooray Henrys and Henrietta’s

Don’t act like our social better’s

The so-called cream of society

Can’t even achieve regular sobriety

 

Flaunting their wealth and partying

They’re behaviour makes me sick

And they’re only really the cream

Because they are all rich and thick

HE WASN’T A SOPHISTICATE

 

He wasn’t a sophisticate

Which for some can be a plus

But he always thought

That a coach was a posh bus

MY GIRLFRIEND SAYS SHE’S MIDDLE CLASS

 

My girlfriend says she’s middle class

And I laugh in her face

She’s clearly working class

Because at her dad’s place

They have a television

That’s bigger than their bookcase 

MY GIRLFRIEND SAYS SHE’S WORKING CLASS

 

My girlfriend says she’s working class

And I just have to laugh

As not one of them as far as I can see

Has ever worked in her family

HUNTIN’ SHOOTIN’ AND TIPPIN’

 

There was a craze not long ago

A kind of country pursuit

A sport known as cow tipping

Perpetrated by callow youth

 

Now due to the recession

There is a new craze to report

A rural epidemic, fly tipping

It’s popular but not much of a sport

HE IS OF VERY NOBLE LINEAGE

 

He is of very noble lineage

Dating from the 11^th century

And is so posh he considers

The Royal’s to be new money

LIVING ON MARTHA’S VINEYARD

 

For many, life is quite hard

Living on Martha’s Vineyard

It’s very much, the have nots

Outnumbering the have yacht’s

LIVING ON THE ISLE OF WIGHT

 

For many, life isn’t very bright

Living on the Isle of Wight

It’s very much, the have nots

Outnumbering the have yacht’s

ASSOCIATIONS

 

If you spend your time associating

With well-mannered individuals

Your own manners will improve

And you will polish up like a jewel

If you spend your time associating

With the hard working and decent

You will take on board their ethic

And be a decent hard-working resident

If you spend your time associating

With vagabonds and lowly bums

Then a lonely wretch upon the streets

Is what you will surely become

If you spend your time associating

With the filthy rich and famous

You will be left to pick up the tab

And die in the gutter alone and penniless

NATURE OR NURTURE

 

Was it Nature?

Or is it nurture

I was bought up on an estate

And I turned out all right at any rate

But my estate was not council run

And covered half the shire of Huntingdon

IN THE COUNTRY

 

I was staying in the country with my girlfriend

While on a walking holiday for a long weekend

We stopped for a pub lunch at a very quaint spot

When a commotion arose over the last hot pot

A village resident said the weekend breakers

Invaded and were nothing but hoggers and takers

And she was fed up with the weekend invaders

And the disturbed peace of her home by outsiders

I could tell listening to her objections vocally

That the plum in her mouth wasn’t grown locally

MY GIRLFRIEND SAYS SHE’S WORKING CLASS

 

My girlfriend says she’s working class

And I just have to laugh

As not one of them as far as I can see

Has ever worked in her family

MY GIRLFRIEND SAYS SHE’S MIDDLE CLASS

 

My girlfriend says she’s middle class

And I laugh in her face

She’s clearly working class

Because at her dad’s place

They have a television

That’s bigger than their bookcase 

CREAM OF SOCIETY

They say there the cream of society

Their arrogance makes me sick

They’re the cream of our society

Because they’re rich and thick

GIRL ON HORSEBACK

Elegant and beautiful I thought
Admiring the girl on the horse
I couldn’t take my eyes off her
No glance back at me of course

She sits in the saddle quite aloof
A cut above us I’ve been told
A little bit snobby to tell the truth
But she is a beauty to behold

As for the horse she sits upon
A fine thoroughbred steed
A beast like she, looks down its nose
Because like her it’s of noble breed

You expect to be looked down upon
By a girl atop a noble horse
But when on terra firma
I would expect equality of course

But from her five foot one inch stance
She looked down on me once more
Which was quite a feat indeed for her
As I stand tall at six foot four