WHEN MECHANICAL PROBLEMS OCCUR

 

When mechanical problems occur,

Preferring to be on the ground

Wishing you were in the air

Is a philosophy that’s sound,

Compared to being in the air

Wishing you were on the ground

THE BLACK BOX FLIGHT RECORDER

 

The Black Box flight recorder

Is not black! We have been misled

Why would you call it a “black box”

And then make it orange instead

I FLEW ON AN INFAMOUS BUDGET AIRLINE

 

I flew on an infamous budget airline

Who charged for every single item

Except for the bad service, that was free,

Which was very generous of them

WHEN WE REACHED CRUISING ALTITUDE

 

When we reached cruising altitude

As we headed for another continent

The cabin light dimmed to enhance,

The appearance of our flight attendant

I HAVE A PHOBIA ABOUT FLYING

 

I have a phobia about flying

And I won’t fly Virgin, no way

After all why use an airline

That doesn’t go all the way?

CRASH PROCEDURE

 

As the 747 was falling

Uncontrollably from the sky

A female passenger ripped off her clothes

And began to cry

“Can someone make me feel like a real woman?

Before I die”?

A man stood up and took off his shirt

“Here iron this,” said the guy

AVIATION ASPIRATION

 

My daughter wants to be a pilot

At first, I was a little alarmed

But after I thought about it

My apprehension calmed

 

And I laughed at my foolishness

I felt silly, oh what a lark

After all it’s not as if

She will have to parallel park

IN THE EVENT OF ???

 

When three out of four engines

Catastrophically fail during flight

You will still have enough power

To get you safely to the crash site

NO FRILLS, MORE BILLS

 

No frills airlines will get your money

My fair means or by foul

This may mean them charging you

If you need a paper towel

Or if decompression occurs

And the oxygen mask is hanging there

You will have to put a pound coin in

Before it dispenses any air

BAGGAGE REGULATIONS

 

A vulture boarded

A jumbo jet

Carrying two dead

Marmoset

 

The stewardess said

"I'm sorry sir,

Only one carrion
Per passenger"

THE MIRACLE OF FLIGHT

It has been said that the miracle of aviation

Is that the aeroplane is nothing more in interpretation

Than 50000 components flying in close formation

And hopefully all bound for the same destination 

THE WORLD HAS BECOME A SMALLER PLACE

 

The world has become a smaller place

And it will never be a big world again

But wherever you go things are the same

I wish I could uninvent the Aeroplane

THE BLACK BOX FLIGHT RECORDER

 

The Black Box flight recorder

Is not black! We have been misled

Why would you call it a “black box”

And then make it orange instead

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – YANKEE DOODLE DANDY (1942)

“Yankee Doodle Dandy” is a Musical Biographical Drama, Screenplay by Robert Buckner, Edmund Joseph, Julius J. Epstein and Philip G. Epstein Original Story by Robert Buckner, Music by George M. Cohan and Directed by Michael Curtiz.

It’s a biographical film about George M. Cohan (James Cagney) who produced, directed, wrote and starred in his own musical shows for which he composed his famous songs.

The film begins with his early days as a child-star in his family's vaudeville show, all the way through to the time of his comeback at which he received a medal from the president for his special contributions to the country.

Joan Leslie is delightful as his wife Mary, Walter Huston plays his father, Richard Whorf is his partner Sam Harris, Irene Manning shines as Fay Templeton, while the fine and varied supporting cast is completed by George Tobias, Rosemary DeCamp, Jeanne Cagney, Frances Langford, George Barbier, S.Z. Sakall, Walter Catlett, Douglas Croft and Eddie Foy Jr.

 

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – THE STRAWBERRY BLONDE (1941)

“The Strawberry Blonde” is a Musical Romantic Comedy, Screenplay by Julius J. Epstein and Philip G. Epstein, from the Play by James Hagan and Directed by Raoul Walsh.

It’s the story of pugnacious but likable young Dentist, Biff Grimes (James Cagney), around the turn-of-the-century, who lives with his ne'er-do-well father (Alan Hale), and they are both are noted for their scrappy personalities and quick tempers.

However, like every other young man in town, Biff has a crush on gorgeous and flirtatious 'strawberry blonde' Virginia Brush (Rita Hayworth), who gets catcalls every time she walks down the street, but he’s joined in his admiration by his friends, Nick Pappalis (George Tobias), an immigrant Greek barber, and Hugo Barnsfeld (Jack Carson), an unscrupulously ambitious young man who doesn't let anything stand in the way of what he wants, including Virginia.

Meanwhile Virginia’s friend Amy Lind (Olivia de Havilland) sets her cap at Biff.

The Strawberry Blonde is a Charming and entertaining turn-of-the-century romantic comedy and a great film to watch on a rainy afternoon, it will brighten your day.

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – ONCE UPON A TIME IN AMERICA (1984)

 

“Once Upon a Time in America” is a Crime Drama, Screenplay by Leonardo Benvenuti, Piero De Bernardi, Enrico Medioli, Franco Arcalli, Franco Ferrini and Sergio Leone from the Novel by Harry Grey and Directed by Sergio Leone.

The film chronicles the lives of best friends David “Noodles” Aaronson (Robert De Niro) and Maximilian “Max” Bercovicz (James Woods) as they lead a group of Jewish ghetto youths from being petty criminals to being prominent Jewish gangsters in New York City's world of organized crime on the Lower East Side of Manhattan.

The film explores themes of childhood friendships, love, lust, greed, betrayal, loss and broken relationships.

The film benefits from a fine and varied supporting cast including, Elizabeth McGovern, Treat Williams, Tuesday Weld, Burt Young, Joe Pesci, William Forsythe and Danny Aiello.

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – THE COTTON CLUB (1984)

 

“The Cotton Club” is a Crime Drama, Screenplay by Mario Puzo, William Kennedy and Francis Ford Coppola and Directed by Francis Ford Coppola.

The movie is centred around The Cotton Club in the late 1920s and early 30s Harlem, it’s a premium night club owned by Owney Madden (Bob Hoskins) and Frenchy Demange (Fred Gwynne),

Featuring the very best jazz musicians, singers and dancers and is frequented by the great and the good and the very not so good of the underworld.

A musician named Dixie Dwyer (Richard Gere) begins working with mobsters to advance his career but falls in love with Vera Cicero (Diane Lane) the girlfriend of gangland kingpin Dutch Schultz (James Remar).

The film benefits from a fine and varied supporting cast including, Gregory Hines, Lonette McKee, Nicolas Cage, Allen Garfield, Laurence Fishburne and Maurice Hines.

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – THE UNTOUCHABLES (1987)

 

“The Untouchables” is a Crime Drama, Written by David Mamet, suggested by a book by Oscar Fraley and Eliot Ness and Directed by Brian De Palma.

The story is set during the era of Prohibition in the United States, when legendary crime boss Al Capone (Robert De Niro) rules Chicago with an iron fist after building an empire with bootleg alcohol.

Prohibition Agent Eliot Ness (Kevin Costner) attempts to take Capone down, but due to widespread corruption within the Windy City's police force even his best efforts fail.

So because of the rampant corruption, he assembles an elite group of lawmen, a small hand-picked team who won't be swayed by bribes or fear, to help him, including Irish-American cop Jimmy Malone (Sean Connery), George Stone (Andy Garcia) and Oscar Wallace (Charles Martin Smith) and with his team in place Ness renewed his determination to bring Capone to justice.

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – THE PUBLIC ENEMY (1931)

 

“The Public Enemy” is a Crime Drama, Written by Kubec Glasmon, John Bright and Harvey F. Thew and Directed by William A. Wellman.

The movie is the story of best friends and fellow gangsters, Tom Powers and Matt Doyle (James Cagney and Edward Woods).

However, their lives are frowned upon by Tom's straight-laced brother, Mike (Donald Cook), and Matt's straight laced sister, Molly (Rita Flynn).

Nonetheless the hoodlums rise up through the ranks of the Chicago underworld, from their teen-aged years into young adulthood, and have an increasingly lucrative life, bootlegging during the Prohibition era.

Tom in particular becomes more and more brazen in what he is willing to do and becomes more violent against those who stand in his way, disagree with him or cross him, until a gangster's accidental death threatens to spark a bloody mob war.

Also in the line-up are Robert Emmett O'Connor as Paddy Ryan and Joan Blondell as Mamie.

The most famous scene is of course, Cagney smashing a grapefruit into the face Mae Clarke (Jean Harlow), but there is a lot more to this film than that.

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – THE ROARING TWENTIES (1939)

 

“The Roaring Twenties” is a Crime Drama, screenplay by Jerry Wald, Richard Macaulay and Robert Rossen, from a Story by Mark Hellinger and Directed by Raoul Walsh.

The story begins in the dying moments of World War I and after the Armistice Lloyd Hart (Jeffrey Lynn) goes back to practice law, former saloon keeper George Hally (Humphrey Bogart) turns to bootlegging, and Eddie Bartlett (James Cagney) becomes a cab driver.

Through delivering bootleg liquor Eddie manages to build a fleet of cabs and hires Lloyd as his lawyer and George and Eddie become partners in the flourishing rackets, but love, loyalty and rivalry will ultimately bring everything crashing down.

Priscilla Lane, Gladys George, Frank McHugh and Paul Kelly complete the line up in this absolute classic