MAKING YOUR HAIR CURL

 

Why is it that toasters

Always have a setting

That burns the toast

And therefore blackening

To a horrible crisp

And is unfit for eating?

SOUP QUESTION

 

Here is a question

For a Politically Correct group 

Do illiterate people get the benefit

Of Alphabet Soup?

SO TRUE

 

Why is it tell me do

That Tea tastes better

From a china cup

Beer tastes better

From a glass

Chips taste better

From the paper

And Triangular sandwiches taste better

Than ones cut into squares

WEEKENDER BENDER

 

George left work early one Friday

And went out with the lads, on a bender

He finally got home to his unhappy wife

On Sunday night after a boozy weekender

After hours of bitching and moaning

His wife asked him a simple question

“Would you like not to see me for three days?

“Very much” he said without hesitation

He didn’t see her at all on Monday

Nor did he see her on Tuesday and Wednesday

After the swelling had begun to subside

He could see her out of one eye on Thursday

MOBILE COMMUNICATION

 

“I want to buy a mobile phone”

“No I don’t want a camera

Not even video

No I don’t want movie down loads

Screensaver’s, internet access

Or downloads of any kind

I don’t want WAP or WiFi

I don’t need 100 ringtones

10000 free minutes

Or unlimited texts at weekends

I don’t want to play games

I don’t need an MP3 player

I neither want nor need

Blue tooth

Sharks tooth

Hounds tooth

Or dog tooth

What I want is a device

To make and receive phone calls

And texts like wise

I just want to buy a BLOODY PHONE”

“Thank you that one will be perfect

Does it have a torch?”

THE WISDOM OF MY YOUTH # 1

 

When I was a child 

I thought my teacher was alright

Because she cried

When the class sang “Silent Night”

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – BEN-HUR (1959)

 

Directed by William Wyler, Ben-Hur is an epic tale of injustice, betrayal and revenge.

Judah Ben-Hur (Charlton Heston) is a rich Jewish Prince and merchant in Jerusalem at the beginning of the 1st century and is reunited with his boyhood friend Messala (Stephen Boyd) when he returns to Judea as commanding officer of the Roman Legions.

It is a happy reunion, at first, but their different political views separate them.

During the welcome parade a roof tile falls down from Judah's house and injures the new Governor and Messala sends Judah to the galleys and throws his mother (Martha Scott) and sister (Cathy O'Donnell) into prison, but Judah swears to come back and take revenge on Messala.

He is imprisoned on board the flag ship of Quintus Arrius (Jack Hawkins) and after years chained to an oar, a great battle is fought and Judah finds himself saving the life of his master, who in time adopts him as his own and takes him back to Rome.

 

Having won his freedom, he eventually returns to Judea to find his family, but finds his home in ruins and he servant Simonides (Sam Jaffe) blinded, and his daughter Esther (Haya Harareet) tells him his mother and sister are dead, but later finds they are living in a Leper colony.

After confronting Messala he decides the best way to exact revenge would be to humiliate him at the Hippodrome racing the horses of Balthasar (Finlay Currie) and Sheik Ilderim (Hugh Griffith) in the epic Chariot race.

 

The whole tale of Ben-Hur is set during the time of Jesus Christ and his life is threaded through the story so therefore it has a miraculous ending, which was enough of a reason for Chairman Mao to ban the film in China.

 

It won a record eleven Academy Awards, including Best Picture, Best Director (William Wyler), Best Actor in a Leading Role (Charlton Heston), Best Actor in a Supporting Role (Hugh Griffith), and Best Cinematography – Colour (Robert Surtees)

It’s a truly great movie which everyone should watch if for no other reason than the Chariot Race.