One day Bimbette was having trouble
With her computer,
So, she decided to try
the call center
At a time that would
suit her
"Hello how can I
help you?"
The tech support guy
asks
She replied, “I can’t
get my computer
To do even the
simplest tasks"
“Ok” said the tech
support guy
“What's on your
monitor now, miss?
“An elephant
my boyfriend bought me
And a kangaroo called
Kriss”
One day Bimbette was having trouble
With her computer,
So she decided to try
the call center
At a time that would
suit her
"Hello how can I
help you?"
The tech support guy
said
“I have a huge
problem”
She replied scratching
her head
That’s why I decided
To phone up the engineers
Coz Every time
I move the mouse
My screen saver
disappears”
The two girls are in a car
Driving along
Without any music
Now that sounds wrong
But who is driving?
Peaches or Bimbette
Well actually the
driver
She bought a lifesaving tool for her car
Which for her was
quite astute
It’s designed to cut through
your seat belt
In the event of it
trapping you on route
Particularly in the
aftermath of a Crash
Unfortunately,
Bimbette keeps hers in the boot
Bimbette ordered herself
A small pizza to go
“How do you want it
cut”?
The guy asked, then
“Do you want it cut?
Into ten slices or
eight”
“Oh, just eight
I’m not hungry
enough for ten”
Are you wearing something new?
On your wedding day
Sorry, that’s a silly
question
What a thing to say
You’re an Essex girl
So, daddy is going to
pay
One day Bimbette was having trouble
With her computer,
So, she decided to try
the call center
At a time that would
suit her
"Hello how can I
help you?"
Said the tech support
guy
“I’m trying to write
my first email”
Was Bimbettes reply
“Ok?” Said the tech
support guy
“Well, I have the
'a' in the address ok
But I can’t get the circle
around it
And I’ve been trying
all day”
One day Bimbette was having trouble
With her computer,
So she decided to try
the call center
At a time that would
suit her
"Hello how can I
help you?"
Said the tech support
guy
“What kind of computer
do you have?
“A white one” was her
reply
Bimbette took her goldfish to the vet
"I think it's got epilepsy" Bimbette said.
The Vet took a good long look
Then stood scratching his
head
"It seems calm
enough to me".
Said the puzzled vet,
Bimbette replied
Bimbette was in the shower
And spent all day in
the en suite
Because it said on the
shampoo bottle
“Lather, Rinse,
Repeat”
Bimbette was found in her cell
Hanging by the ankles
from a beam
She claims it was a
suicide attempt
This is normal for her
it would seem
When she was told that
to kill herself
The rope would need to
be around her throat
She said that she had
tried that first
But she stopped when
she started to choke
Peaches suddenly said
“Look at the dead bird
there”
Bimbette at once
looked up
And said “where”?
Bimbette texted Peaches "Windows
@ home, frozen - what should I do?"
Peaches texted back “use some de-icer
Or boiling water will probably do”
Bimbette “OK, computer went bang
And lights have fused
too"
One day Bimbette was having trouble
With her computer,
So she decided to try
the call center
At a time that would
suit her
"Hello how can I
help you?"
The tech support guy
asks
She replied, “I can’t
get my computer
To do even the
simplest tasks"
"Do you have any
windows open?"
The tech support guy
asks her
"Are you mad? Its
mid December
And I’m calling from
Alaska”
Bimbette and Peaches
Plus seventeen friends
All went to the cinema
At the booking office
The girl enquired
“Blimey why so many of
yer?”
Bimbette said in reply
“Coz the advert says
18 or over."
"Mayday, Mayday. SOS, Mayday
My pilot has had a
heart attack and died
Can anybody out there
hear me?”
The panicky blonde
passenger cried
Suddenly a voice comes
over the radio
And spoke with
reassuring charm
“Just relax; I’m going
to talk you down
But it’s important
that you stay calm”
“Just give me your
height and position
And then we’ll get you
down from there”
“Well if you really need to know I'm 5'1"
And I'm sitting in the
pilot’s chair."
The radio went silent
like for a moment
As if they’d gone
completely off the air
Then the voice from
the tower returned
“Do you know the Lords
prayer?”
Bimbette went home to see her mum
And found her acting
quite funny
She was sat on the
dining room floor
And appeared to be
counting her money
But it was all coins
of copper and silver
Then she started
crying which was strange
Having never seen her
like this, she asked
"Mum, are you
going through the change?"
Bimbette was in the bathroom
And Clair shouted up
to her
“You can use my
shampoo
If you want to wash
your hair”
And Bimbette shouted
back
“Thanks, but I can’t
use it Clair,
It says it’s only for
dry hair
And mine is wet to be fair”
Top super model Bimbette,
It has been disclosed
Has lost her crown
The model has been
deposed
Bimbette and Peaches were standing by a flagpole,
Looking up at it in a
rather puzzled way
When they were asked
what they were doing
By a pleasant young
man passing their way
“We're supposed to
find the height of this flagpole
But we don't have a
ladder” Said Bimbette with a frown
The young man took a
spanner from his pocket
Loosened a few bolts
and laid the flagpole down
He then took a tape
measure from his other pocket,
Took a few
measurements, and said it was 18 feet
Then he returned the
flagpole to its previous condition
And strode off
confidently down the street
Bimbette said “How
like a man!! give me strength,
You ask him for the height,
and he gives you the length
