A Little Bit Of Humour # 150

WHAT NOT TO DO IN HORROR MOVIES # 8

If you value your life avoid places
Where entities are known to kill
A certain geographical location
Yes I’m talking about Amityville

THERE WAS A TRAGIC CASE

There was a tragic case
When a Chickpea farmer died
And after the inquest
The coroner ruled it Hummuside

THEY’RE REMAKING OLD TV SHOWS

They’re remaking old TV shows
Updating oldies from TV heaven
A Sci-Fi version of “On the Buses”
Is going to be called Blakey’s Seven

THE CHICKEN AND THE EGG LAY

The chicken and the egg
Lay in the afterglow
He lit a cigarette and said
“Well now we know”

IT WAS ANOTHER SUV BIRTHDAY

It was another SUV birthday
Thanks to my significant other
No not that kind of SUV, I got
Socks, Underwear and Viagra

IF I KNEW THE FUTURE

If I knew the future and in particular
When I was going to die and where
The knowledge would be of little use
Other than to warn me not to go there

NOT DOING UP YOUR FLY AFTER SPENDING A PENNY

Not doing up your fly after spending a penny
Makes you forgetful and nothing more,
It doesn’t mean you have Alzheimer’s
Its only senility if you forgot to unzip before

GRANDAD BEAT HIS WIFE TO DEATH

Grandad beat his wife to death
But it’s not so bad I should say
As it just means that he died
Before Grandma passed away

WHY ARE BABY FLAMINGO’S

Why are baby Flamingo’s
Always allowed to mess around?
It’s simply because the parents
Won’t put their foot down

THE WOODPECKER LOST HIS BEAK

The Woodpecker lost his beak
As a result he was full of anger
He had lost his reason for being
And turned into a head banger

DRIED FRUIT TRADE

A customer said “I want to swap a bag
Of sultanas for two bags of raisins mate”
“I can only give you one bag” he was told
“Because that’s the currant exchange rate”

RIGHT ANGLED TRIANGLES

I wanted to buy some right angled triangles
And I wanted to do it without any fuss
So I asked around and took expert advice
And I was told to go to Pythag-R-Us

EXPERIENCED IN THE BEDROOM DEPARTMENT

I only dated my wife
Because I was told she was
“Experienced in the bedroom department”
Sadly it was gained
At Ikea over twenty years
Of course it was too late by then to lament

MY LUGGAGE GOT TRASHED AT THE AIRPORT

My luggage got trashed at the airport
So I made a claim at the appropriate place
But after filling out all the relevant forms
I was told I didn’t have much of a case

MY WIFE SENT ME TO BUY OXO CUBES

My wife sent me to buy Oxo cubes
Down at the local corner shop
But I returned home empty handed
Because they were out of stock