A Little Bit Of Humour # 149

WHAT NOT TO DO IN HORROR MOVIES # 7

If you value your life avoid places
That might make your nerves jangle
A certain geographical location
For example the Bermuda Triangle

FROM WHAT CAN YOU TAKE AWAY

From what can you take away
The whole and still have some?
Is an interesting riddle isn’t it
And the answer is wholesome

A FLIRT DRESSES TO KILL

A flirt dresses to kill
In her desire to impress
A butcher on the other hand
Kills to dress

MY UNCLE IS A JOVIAL MAN

My uncle is a jovial man and at home
He is always full of good cheer
But at work he always looks forbidding
But then he is an auctioneer

LIKENED TO A TREE

A dog can be likened to a tree,
I once heard it said
Because they both lose their bark
Once they are dead

THE DESIGNED INSTITUTION

The institution of marriage was designed,
It has very often been said
In order to keep a girl out of mischief
And get her into trouble instead

I ONCE MADE A SEX TAPE

I once made a sex tape
With an old girlfriend of mine
Although the first I knew
Was when I saw it on line

THE ONLY BUSINESS MODEL

The only business model
Whose proprietor prefers
Customers with no redeeming
Qualities, are Pawnbrokers

I UPSET MY ENGLISH TEACHER

I upset my English teacher
So I tried to comfort her
And said There, Their, They’re

THE HEAD CHEF

The head chef
At my favourite restaurant
Died only the other day
And the devastating news
Came out of the blue
He just Pasta way

I WENT TO THE RESTAURANT LAST NIGHT

I went to the restaurant last night
The Maître d’ said there was a delay
And did I mind waiting, I said no
So he handed me a drinks tray

THE FRUIT AND VEG WHOLESALERS IN TOWN

The fruit and veg wholesalers in town
Has been liquidated and closed down
They looked for backers but got no takers
So now they’re owned by smoothie makers

MACARONI MOTORS

I told my wife
That I made a car
Out of Macaroni
It wasn’t until
I drove pasta
That she believed me

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE MEAL

The man said to his date
“I hope you enjoyed the meal
But alas I don’t have any money”
She was unfazed and replied
“If you’d told me sooner we
Could have gone somewhere classy”

COLIN TOOK A PORK PIE

For his homework
Colin took a pork pie
Around to his Aunty Grace
Because he thought
That he had to take pie
To one dismal place