A Little Bit Of Humour # 147

WHAT NOT TO DO IN HORROR MOVIES # 5

If you value your life avoid places
Where demons from hell meet
Like a certain geographical location
Infamously known as Elm Street

THERE IS A VERY DISTINCT DIFFERENCE

There is a very distinct difference
Between Mardi Gras and Fat Tuesday
The former is an all-night party and
You wake up with the latter the next day

THE FEAST DAY OF SAINT PATRICK

The feast day of Saint Patrick
Is Ireland’s National Day
When the Irish people
Celebrate Saint Patrick's Day

RELATIONSHIP RULES

Anything I may have said
Six months ago to you
Is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, in my view
All comments become null and void
After a day or two

YOU SHOULD NEVER ENTERTAIN LEWD THOUGHTS

You should never entertain
Lewd thoughts, whatever you do
You should close your eyes
And let them entertain you

NONRELIGIOUS KIDS ARE ILL-INFORMED

Nonreligious kids are ill-informed
When asked the difference between
The New and Old Testament
Only one child bothered to speak up
And he thought the Kindle version
Must be the New Testament

I TOOK THE GRANDCHILDREN TO THE THEATRE

I took the grandchildren to the theatre
To watch the new pantomime Aladdin
I knew it wasn’t going to be very good
As they refunded my money on the way in

MY FATHER IN LAW FLATLY REFUSED

My father in law flatly refused to
Watch Henry the IV part two
He said “I’m not like other people
I can’t watch another sequel”

A MAN APPEARING AS HAMLET

A man appearing as Hamlet
Was booed while performing it
“Don’t blame me” he snapped
“I didn’t write this bloody shit”

THE YOUNG PERFORMER WAS EGGED ON

The young performer was egged on
To the stage by his pushy parents
But he was soon egged off it again
By an unappreciative audience

MY DAUGHTER IS AWAY AT UNIVERSITY

My daughter is away at University
And has nothing in common with ET
Because ET phoned home occasionally

I AM DOUBLY HANDICAPPED

I am doubly handicapped
Which has scuppered my plans
I am illiterate and ambidextrous
So I can’t write with both hands

THE GIRL IN THE CRINOLINE GOWN

The girl in the crinoline gown
Danced like in a dream
While moving in unfashionable
Circles it would seem

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

Don’t talk to me about
Fifty shades of grey
I’m at the care home
Vagazaling grannies everyday

YOU’RE NEXT

If it annoys you when old people
Point at you during someone’s nuptials
And say “you’re next” just start doing
The same thing to them at funerals