A Little Bit Of Humour # 145

WHEN I WAS YOUNG WE ATE A HEALTHY DIET # 2

When I was young we ate a healthy diet
With plenty of fruit and vegetables
But we never thought of eating Seaweed
In fact we didn’t even know it was edible

WHAT NOT TO DO IN HORROR MOVIES # 4

If on your travels you find a town
Which looks deserted, let’s say
It’s probably like that for a reason.
So take the hint and stay away

I WENT INTO HOSPITAL FOR MINOR SURGERY # 15

I went into hospital for minor surgery
The staff did not fill me with a sense of well being
As I was going under I heard the surgeon say
“It’s a shame Page 47 of the manual was missing!”

THERE WAS ONCE A DUTCHMAN

There was once a Dutchman
Who made inflatable togs
It was a only a short career
But he popped his clogs

AN INSECT PACKER

He was interviewed for the job
Of an insect packer of bugs and thrips
He answered all the questions
And in the end boxed all the ticks

I WENT INTO HOSPITAL FOR MINOR SURGERY # 17

I went into hospital for minor surgery
And all the staff did was make me worse
As I was going under I heard the surgeon say
“No I said remove his spectacles nurse”

HOW WAS THE OP DOCTOR?

He woke up and said
“How was the op Doctor?”
“I’m not your Doctor,
I’m afraid, I’m St Peter”

WHEN TWO APPLE DEVICES

When two Apple devices
Interface when meeting
They don’t do a handshake
But do an iFive in greeting

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION

Failure is not an option
The salesman told me
But he didn’t say it came
As standard did he

MY COMPUTER IS LIKE

My computer is like
Air conditioning as it goes
It works perfectly well
Until I start opening windows

MR OHM WANTED TO MEET SOMEONE

Mr Ohm wanted to meet someone
And start a marital home
And he just couldn’t resistor
That’s why she’s now Mrs Ohm

MY SON HAS AN IPOD

My son has an iPod
His sister has an iPad
My wife has an iPhone
And its iPay for Dad

NOW I KNOW I’VE REACH ROCK BOTTOM

Now I know I’ve reach rock bottom
It must be due to my personality
I just got in my car and I discovered
And even the Satnav’s not talking to me

HE WAS FED UP WITH HIS DEVICE

He was fed up with his device
So in frustration without flinching
He dropped his iPad in the river
And it immediately started synching

MY SISTER WORKS IN THE IT DEPARTMENT

My sister works in the IT department
And got sacked for having dyslexia
Her boss told her to “unzip his files?”
She misunderstood and he sacked her