WHAT NOT TO DO IN HORROR MOVIES # 6
If you value your life avoid places
Famous for a murderous creature
Like a certain geographical location
Yes I’m talking about Transylvania
MEDICINAL REJECTION
“I can't be your valentine
For medical reasons” said Nick
“God is it serious?” he asked
“No you just make me sick”
THE ORIGINS OF FAT TUESDAY
The origins of Fat Tuesday
Are Anglican and Catholic
But in our town Fat Tuesday
Is an overweight biker chic
HIGHER EDUCATION IS A WONDERFUL THING
Higher education is a wonderful thing
But achieving it is not without expense
And the downside to higher education
Has been the demise of common sense
But high IQ’s and University degrees
Don’t stop them doing something stupid
Or being repeat offenders at stupidity
Whereas common sense always did
WITH OR WITHOUT HER
It wasn’t that he couldn’t live with her
That caused him to doubt
It was just that he wanted someone
He couldn’t live without
THE CHINESE DON’T WANT VISITORS TO KNOW
The Chinese don’t want visitors to know
They are being spied on in Beijing
That why the Chinese government
Changed the city’s name from Peking
POPPERS
They said they had poppers at the party
But no evidence of them could be seen
There was no strands of confetti anywhere
And the carpets were spotlessly clean
RICHARD GURLEY DREW
Richard Gurley Drew invented sellotape
In order to help out a mechanic friend
I got his autobiography for Christmas but
I didn’t finish it as I couldn’t find the end
MY DAUGHTER WAS GIVEN A NOVELTY GIFT
My daughter was given a novelty gift
Which really wasn’t intended to confuse
But the look on her face was a picture
When she held a pair of chocolate shoes
I HEARD ON THE NEWS THAT A HIJACKED SHIP
I heard on the news that a hijacked ship
Had been taken by smiley pirates
I thought that sounded quite nice but
It turned out they were Somali pirates
THE RSPCA WERE CALLED
The RSPCA were called to an emergency
But unfortunately they didn’t arrive in time
The animal was dead in the Xerox machine
It was reported to police as a copycat crime
THE USE OF DRUGS IS RIFE IN SPORT
The use of drugs is rife in sport
And it’s a worldwide thing
But people think it’s just China
And that because of Do Ping
WHEN GINGERBREAD MEN SLEEP
When a gingerbread man lays
On his bed Perchance to sleep
He does so every single night
Laying down on a cookie sheet
I SEE DECEIT IN YOUR FACE
“I see deceit in your face” said a wife
Following her husband’s deception
He didn’t help his case when he inferred
It was “a personal reflection”
THE STRUCTURE THAT TOPS THE LIST
The structure that tops the list,
By a distance or a smidge
For creating the most tension
Is clearly a suspension bridge
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