A Little Bit Of Humour # 146

I WENT INTO HOSPITAL FOR MINOR SURGERY # 16

I went into hospital for minor surgery
The staff did not fill me with a sense of security
As I was going under I heard the surgeon say
“Hand me that...uh...that uh... doohicky”

DRINK GREEN BEER

Drink green beer
On St Patricks Day
It will count as one
Of your five a day

MY GRANDDADS NOT VERY TECH SAVVY

My granddads not very tech savvy
So when he got a laptop I was amazed
But when I asked what windows version
He had, he replied “double glazed”

MY GRANDSON IS ALWAYS ON HIS PHONE

My grandson is always on his phone
Its scrambled his brain I think
“What you need is a life” I said
He replied “Ok send me the link”

THE LAMB AND PUP

I walked into my local
“The Lamb and Pup”
The landlord said “Bitter?”
I replied “No just fed up”

A 16 YEAR OLD LAD

A 16 year old lad asked the barmaid for a drink
“I can’t sell you booze to quench your thirst”
She replied “Do you want to get me in trouble”
The lad smiled and said “Can I have a beer first”

WE CALL MY AUNT BETH THE EXORCIST

We call my aunt Beth the exorcist
Its cruel but we can’t resist
It’s because whenever she gets near
All the spirits disappear

BARBARA WINDSOR WENT INTO A PUB

Barbara Windsor went into a pub
After the days filming was done
And ordered a double entendre
So the barman gave her one

MY FATHER TRADES ON THE STOCK EXCHANGE

My father trades on the stock exchange
He really enjoys the thrill
Last week he traded boxes of Oxo cubes
For multiple jars of Bovril

YOU’VE BURNED THE DINNER AGAIN

“You’ve burned the dinner again” he said
To the plate with the burnt offering on
“It’s not burned, its caramelized” she retorted
“Well you’ve caramelized it to carbon”

CROSSWORD CONUNDRUM

“Seven down, “Fizzy Drink” eight letters”
I said to my fellow traveller’s arrayed
They looked at me blankly, then one said
“If it was seven up, it would be lemonade”

AN ACCIDENT IN THE KITCHEN

An accident in the kitchen
When the condiments ignited
Blew mixed herbs in my eyes
And left me Parsley-sighted

I THOUGHT HE WAS SHOT IN THE FOREST

I thought he was shot in the forest
But I was wrong, and the reason
Was a simple misunderstanding
He was shot in the Lumbar region

SISTER AGATHA AT THE CONVENT

Sister Agatha at the convent
Was somnambulistic
The sleep walking nun
Was called a Roaming Catholic

WHEN MOSES WENT TO MOUNT OLIVE

When Moses went to mount Olive
He bit off more than he could chew
As Moses thought it was just him
But he found Popeye was there too