SOUL MATES UNITED

Since the first day
When my life was blessed
When by Gods grace
You entered my world
We shared one love
One heart
One soul
Soul mates united
And life was good to us
So good we didn’t notice
The years quickly slip by
Then you slipped by with them
And I was alone
Half a love
Half a heart
Half a soul
Incomplete
And I could have blamed God
For taking you away
But I thank him instead
For the life we shared
Though I mourn your passing
And yearn for you
I know in my heart
We will be together again

NEWLANDS CORNER

Newlands Corner
Is one of my most favourite places
I’ve always loved it there
When I look out across the patchwork
Of rolling Surrey Hills,
The chalk grasslands
The ancient woodlands
And the villages nestling there
I feel a deep calm and peace
Penetrating my soul
It’s almost overwhelming
Like the weight of the world
Is lifted from my shoulders
It as if His hand on my shoulder

A Little Philosophy

SHAMELESS

There appears to be no shame
In our modern society
This is true for all walks of life
But in particular celebrities
Because what was once shame
Is now just called publicity

LASTING IMPRESSIONS

Those with personality
Find it can open doors for them
But what they need is character
To keep the doors open

DON’T CRY

Don’t cry because the love affair is over
Wipe those tears from your face
And allow yourself to smile because
It happened in the first place

IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED

If at first you don’t succeed
Don’t let it cause you distress
And if you still fail to succeed
You must redefine success

HAM AND EGGS

Good morning whats for breakfast?
Can I have eggs and ham please?
That’s a nice simple breakfast
That can be prepared with ease
Well not as simple as you may think
Oh its but a days work for the hen
But for the poor old pig
It’s a lifetime of commitment

NEVER A BORROWER NOR A LENDER BE

Never a borrower nor a lender be
That is my simple philosophy
But if the need you can’t resist
Borrow money from a pessimist
A positive attitude they sadly lack
So they don’t really expect it back

GETTING ON IN YOUR CAREER

After many years I am forced to conclude
It will almost certainly be your attitude
In the work place and not your aptitude
That will determine your ultimate altitude

A Little Humour

THE MIRACLE OF FLIGHT

It has been said that the miracle of aviation
Is that the aeroplane is nothing more in interpretation
Than 50000 components flying in close formation
And hopefully all bound for the same destination

THE CANDY MAN

He has had a very sweet tooth all of his life
He even found himself a rather sweet wife
He’d eat cream cakes and all kinds of sweeties
Now he has high cholesterol and type 2 diabetes

CAR SCRAP-AGE

I’m very disappointed with the government
And their much heralded car scrap-age scheme
I took my “old banger” along with me to the garage
But my wife wasn’t what they had in mind it seems

BOILER REPLACEMENT SCHEME

I’m very disappointed with the government
And their gas boiler replacement scheme
I called the Gas Company about my “old boiler”
But my wife wasn’t what they had in mind it seems

AGEING POPULATION

In the future, maybe forty years or so
The nursing homes will just overflow
With sweet little silver haired old biddies
Doting on their numerous little grand kiddies
As they sit peering thru bifocal glasses
With faded tattoos on their wrinkled arses

THE BEAR STARE

I have a photograph
Of a magnificent Polar Bear
It was taken at one of those sea life places
The polar bear is underwater
Looking through the glass
At an inquisitive little boy
Whose face was pressed up against the glass
And you can see in the Polar Bears
Intelligent soulful eyes
As it looks at the inquisitive little boy
That he is thinking to himself
“If I could just get through this glass
I would eat you as a snack”

DYING OF THE LIGHT

On the table
The candle sputters
Flame flickers
Almost guttering
But does not die

At the table
A heart yearns
Tears form
As hope fades
She cries inside
At the table
A rhetorically thought
He’s not coming
How cruel
She dies inside

At home
Her heart aches
Her spirit breaks
She drains the glass
And she dies

IF I HAD NOT LET YOU GO

If I had not let you go
What would we be now?
The perfect couple?
Mr and Mrs Right?
Or sad reflections of ourselves

If I had not seen
That we were not right together
We would now be
Bitter and resentful
Fighting like old dogs
Scratching at each others wounds

Love made us blind
Your love for me was deeper
And so you were blinder
So it hurt you more
When I let you go

I was right to let you go
I didn’t want to hurt you
Though I know I did
But I would have hurt you more
And I would not have regretted it
If I had stayed

If I had not let you go
I would have broken you
Broken your spirit
As well as your heart
You would not now know
Loves true face
So I can tolerate your hate
To know you are truly happy

LUST CONQUERS ALL

I love it when mouth meets mouth
And tongue engages tongue
Then the moment tender embrace
Gives way to urgent caress
When hands fumble their way
Into uncooperative clothing
In their wanton eagerness
To reach the yielding flesh beneath
Where fingers probe and hands grope
And passions flame ignites
I love to hear her rasp and gasp
And feel her nails dig into my flesh
To hear that stifled scream
And watch as she bites her lip
As climax carries her away
I love the feeling of closeness
As she lies in my arms
Basking in passions afterglow
Silent in our smug satisfaction
I feel her tender lips kiss my chest
And hear her contented sigh
I would like to know her name
But she is just another conquest

WHO KILLED THE PINBALL WIZARD?

The Pinball wizard is dead
That deaf dumb and blind kid
Was shot dead by a stranger
It was such a senseless murder

I WANT TO RIP THE HEART FROM MY CHEST

I want to rip the heart from my chest
So I won’t have to feel the pain
Of heart break ever again

I want to rip the heart from my chest
So I don’t have to feel it break
Then I can sit and watch it ache

I want to rip the heart from my chest
So love can no longer hurt me
And with no heart I will finally be free

LITERARY DOCTORATE

“Oh doctor, doctor
You must help me
I have been afflicted
Most horribly
I keep quoting
William Topaz McGonagall”
The doc replied
“We can’t help you at all”
“Oh doctor why
Cant you treat me for it”?
He replied
“Because this is the Burns unit”

QUEEN OF HER DOMAIN

There she perches
Queen of her domain
Keen Eagle eyes scanning the scene
Head never still
Then in the water
A silvery glint
And she’s airborne
Gliding with silent grace
Almost aimlessly
Then with perfect timing
She strikes to take the rising fish
And with it safe in her talons
She sets off to deliver
The silver prize to her young

LOVE IS A ROLLER COASTER

Being in love with you
Was like a roller coaster ride
Exhilarating and stomach churning
But not in a good way
Not in that happy waving your arms in the air
Screaming with delight kind of way

No not your roller coaster
Oh there was exhilaration
You took me to dizzy heights
When you really took my breath away
When I thought life didn’t get any better than that
Like walking through fields of flowers in the sunshine
Or hand in hand along an empty beach
Declarations of love and promises for the future
Making me feel I was the most special person in the world

Then without warning came the stomach churning
That headlong rush into darkness
Cast down into a trough of despair and bitterness
Jealousy and accusations
Venomous verbal tirades and volleys of flying fists
Churning my stomach and breaking my bones

Being in love with you
Was like the roller coaster ride from hell
So I got off and walked away
And I will never ride with you again
Your declarations of love and promises for the future
Are just empty words
Drowned out by your venomous tirades
Thinking of you may still churn my stomach
But you will break my bones no more
I got off your roller coaster broken and battered
But with my spirit in tact

JOY BRINGER

Seductively on your knees
As you tantalise and tease
Playing rough then tender
As you expertly render
On me your divine Fellatio
Such ecstasy you can bestow
How expertly you perform
Bringing me towards the storm
On the brink you bring me back
Restoring the control I lack
Oh how I thought you demure
Erotic bringer of pleasure
How many times will it be?
How many points of ecstasy
How many times until
You choose to drink your fill

MISMATCH

I do love you
You must accept that as a given
There was never any question
Of my not loving you
But there was always something missing
You must have felt it too
A “close but no cigar” kind of feeling
So I do love you
But no matter how great the love
The uncomfortable truth is
You’re not the one
You’re not my soul mate
I wish you were
Because I do love you
But we are not a matched pair
Almost but not quite
But she’s out there
Somewhere, waiting, wondering
Maybe having this same conversation
With her mismatch
She’s out there
The perfect one
The one made for me
The one I was made for
We only get one chance
To get it right
And we have got it wrong
He is out there somewhere
Your perfect half
Who will make you whole
And make you happy
You must seek yours out
And I must search for mine

WHAT BECOMES OF THE BROKEN HEARTED?

This tale is of once upon a time
That happened not so long ago
When a man proposed to a lady
And the lady in question said no

Now you might have expected
The man to be broken hearted
But he lived happily ever after
From the moment that they parted

He slept as long as he wanted
Watched sport on TV all day
Drank from dawn till dusk
And ate every kind of takeaway

He wore comfortable clothes
And socks with his sandles
And broke wind when he wanted
Sometimes over lighted candles

But this story did not end well
For his lifestyle affected his heart
He died of a heart attack at thirty nine
After a particularly violent fart

KISS OF LIFE

The greatest gift you can bestow,
The most wonderful that I know
Is when you attend to me down below
And instantly make me swell and grow
Performing on me seductively slow
Oh what ecstasy when you blow
Until my sweet culmination apropos
With your divinely erotic fellatio

OH DREARY WINTER

Oh dreary winter
You have over stayed
Your grey skies
Are not welcome
I know spring is close
I look at the grey lake
With the duck on it
The only splash of colour
In the late winter landscape
But I see the hints of spring
Everywhere around me
And the promise of daffodils
Lilacs and butterflies
So winter its time to go
Your welcome is worn out

NATURAL HIGH

From the moment I met you
I’ve been on a high
A natural high
I feel like I’m walking on air
I giggle to my self
Or laugh out loud
For no reason
And if I start to come down
And I need a fix
I think back to our first kiss
Or the first time I held your hand
Or I re read your love letters
And I’m floating again
Or I’ll call you on the phone
Just to hear your sweet voice
And the call will last for hours
Since falling in love with you
You’ve made me feel young again
With your joy of life
As we run through sprinklers
And swing on the swings
Or make sand castles on the beach
Everything is a joy when I’m with you
Driving in the country
Queuing at the supermarket
Every moment is filled
With good conversation
Punctuated with special glances
We share each other
We share a hot shower
We share a bubble bath. We share a bed
We lie in bed and listen to the rain
My fingers playing with your hair
And I look into your eyes
And I know you love me
I see it looking back at me
Since we fell in love
I’ve been on a high
A natural high
And I never want to come down

TALES OF TOPOGRAPHIC NOTIONS

Strong hands explore
The pure silk landscape
In gentle topography
Tracing her features
Beneath his fingers
Mapping her contours
Her sensual curvature
The undulating terrain
Soft mounds contrasted
By prominent peaks
Then across the flatness
Of the tremulous plain
Thru sparse coarse undergrowth
To the hot moist valley beyond
Strong hands explore
And as fingers probe
The pure silk landscape
Reforms beneath his touch

NOSTALGIA, THOSE WERE THE DAYS

We all think that when we were young
The sun shone for 23 hours a day
Not altogether true
But it seems that way in hindsight
But things always look better looking back
They were more innocent times
More naïve times
There were things that were not said
Or not discussed in mixed company
Now anything goes
For example we didn’t have to endure
Endless TV ads for sanitary products and pantie liners
Thrush medicine or haemorrhoid cream
Or women discussing their bladder weakness or blocked bowels
Way back then we only had the three TV channels,
Which was enough
And the network shut down at 10.30
So we knew when to go to bed
And there was no such thing as daytime telly
The soap of the day was “Coronation Street“
And from America “Peyton Place”
For the kids “Noggin the Nog”
“Mr. Pastry” or the “Wombles”
“Captain Pugwash” with seaman Stanes
And Roger the cabin boy
Comedy like “Sykes”, “The Good Life”
And “Morecambe and Wise”
Sid and Hattie in the “Carry Ons
Grass hopper in “Kung Fu”
“Land of the giants”, “Blake’s Seven” and “Dr Who”
You could still watch sport on terrestrial
With “Grandstand” on the Beeb
And on ITV, Dickie Davis with “World of sport”
Now we have hundreds of channels
Showing the same programs we used to watch on three channels
In the music world the “Rolling Stones”
Were closer to puberty than senility
Music came on vinyl though we just called them records
The first record I bought was “Good news week”
By Hedgehoppers Anonymous
You could buy LP’s, singles and audio cassettes
Even 8 track though not very long lived
Petrol was only five bob a gallon
While beer was just 10p a pint
Penny chews and sweets in a jar
Oh for the time when you could still get
Treats, opal fruits and spangles
Back then gay still meant happy
And everyone wore a ticka ticka Timex on their wrist,
That you had to wind up.
It was a time when we all wanted to be in love
Like Celia Johnson and Trevor Howard in “Brief Encounter”
And we didn’t think it was corny when Bette said
“Gerry lets not ask for the moon we already have the stars”
It was a time when we all wanted to be suave and debonair
Just like Fred Astaire
And dance with panache and savoir fare
Its not that I’m a cup half empty kind of guy
But things do look better looking back
At a time before political correctness was invented
And you could laugh at a joke and not worry
That someone you have never met and probably will never meet
Might be offended by it
Or more likely upset someone who got offended on their behalf
Take me back to simpler times

DREAM GIRL

When you have admired from afar
Idealising that someone
For so very, very long
You envisage all the special moments
You will share together
In the most incredible detail
Such as when you ask her out
And of course when she says yes,
Holding hands on the first date
And of course the first kiss
You rerun those moments in your head over and over
Endowing them with magical properties
That reality could never hope to match
Reality can never equal fantasy

But comes the day when you summon the courage
And you do ask her out
And she does indeed say yes
Though not in the swept off her feet kind of way
That you had imagined
You do indeed hold hands on the first date
But it feels a little awkward
Like this is not quite what she had in mind
And again doesn’t quite live up to your preconception

Then all too soon we are at her door
We chat uncomfortably
Make small talk and laugh nervously
We say goodnight, then again, and again
Then she reached up and pulled my head towards hers
Then slightly hesitant, our lips met for the first time
A tender kiss gentle and languid
I closed my eyes
As the intensity grew
As it became more fervent
Then ardent led to passionate
Then I surrendered to the moment
And lost my self completely in her embrace

As I walked home alone
The taste of her still on my lips
I conceded that I was correct
When I thought reality could never equal fantasy
Because reality was so much better

THAT DECEITFUL MOUTH

Don’t speak to me with that mouth
That deceitful mouth
Which lies while smiling to my face

Don’t speak through your weak mouth
Too weak to resist temptation
Whose lips kiss in unforgivable betrayal

Don’t speak to me with that mouth
That has embraced another
A mouth full of cheapened kisses

Don’t speak through your weak mouth
Don’t dare to seek to justify
Your unjustifiable infidelities

Don’t speak through that odious mouth
That unspeakable dishonest mouth
Your unclean vessel of elicit fellatio

Don’t with those unfaithful lips
Whose kisses caressed anothers skin
Speak my name in terms of love

Don’t say sorry with that mouth
Don’t contaminate my ears
With platitudes and insincerity

Speak to me with that insidious mouth
That foul and deceitful mouth
Only to utter a final goodbye

SNOW WHITE AND THE EIGHT DWARFS

Snow Whites wicked step mother
Was the Queen and a bit of a vamp
And often known to use her allure
On the men at the soldiers camp

She was jealous of Snow White
With her youth and innocent beauty
Feeling she might distract
The soldiers from doing their duty

So she had the woodsman take her
To the great forest and with his axe
The Queen had instructed him
To give her several whacks

But he could not kill the beautiful girl
So he told her to run and hide
And never return to the castle
It was in the forest she must abide

So she ran deep into the woods
And just as she was feeling tired
She came upon a little cottage
Which she very much admired

So she knocked on the little door
And a pompous dwarf opened it
“I’m looking for somewhere to stay
Could I stay with you for a bit?”

Prof said, she could stay for one night
Providing she helped with the chores
But she could stay for as long as she liked
In exchange for her sexual favours

Snow White thought for a moment
About the Profs indecent proposal
She decided that it suited her very well
As she did like a little cock after all

So they all had a go on Snow White
Prof was first then Blusher and Misery
They woke up Narcolepsy for his turn
Then Allergy, Cheerful and Divvy

She was a little disappointed with the sex
Not coming always made her grumpy
But then the eighth dwarf turned up
And this ones name was stumpy

THE GIRL ON THE BUS

I climbed the stairs
To the top deck
Then I found a seat
And sat
Then I heard a voice say “hi”
It was soft and gently spoken
I turned towards the voice
Which emanated from a girl
With the warmest smile
And her red hair ablaze
In the morning sun
And with her head slightly inclined
She said again “hi”
That’s all
Just “hi”
And with that simple word
Came her smiling eyes
Beneath her blazing hair
And a radiant glow
And a feeling came over me
A peaceful warm feeling
As warm as her smile
Then all at once
I felt so at ease
As if I had known her forever
Though I had seen her only once before
And did not think she had seen me
All she said was “hi”
But her tone spoke volumes
I returned her smile
And tamely said “hello”
I wanted to say so much more
She smiled again
This time with the heat
To match her flaming locks
I needed no words
As with that wondrous smile
All my questions were answered

SIR LANCELOT A’BOILS

Sir Lancelot A’Boils
On the battle field
Gave great service to his King
And never thought to yield

Sir Lancelot A’Boils
At the court of his King
Gave great service to his Queen
And Arthur didn’t do a thing

Sir Lancelot A’Boils
At the court unseen
Gave great service to his King
As King Arthur was a queen

Sir Lancelot A’Boils
Camelot’s love machine
Gave great service to the court
To peasant and King and all in between

Sir Lancelot A’Boils
Did eventually exceed
Having given a lifetime of service
He died when he tried to shag his steed

AND THE BEST PICTURE IS

It’s that time of the year once more
When the motion picture industry
Pat them selves on their collective backs
And mark another year in their history

But when the time comes
How do we choose what to see?
Film reviews are little help
And critics add no clarity

Industry spokesmen and women
Film critics and film reviewers
Those who form the Oscar collective
Are of little use to film viewers

“Best picture Oscar” must be good
Well I fell in that trap
I watched “Gangs of New York”
And it turned out to be crap

Also I have found I am out of step
With the film critics view
So you have to decipher the code
That’s all you have to do

Just follow this simple guide
“Critically Acclaimed” = Crap
“Stunning cinematography” = No story
“Award winning soundtrack” = Artie crap

“Thought provoking” = No car chases
“Dark” = Badly lit
“Moving” = Alright for girls
“Moody” = Poor dialog and badly lit

“Oscar nominated” = Wasn’t good enough
“Poignant = Has no plot
“Oscar winning” = Over hyped
“Gritty” = They say fuck a lot

These simple tips may help
Save you wasting precious time
Watching an ill described film
Best designated as a crime

THREE SEASONS IN A WEEK

It was a bracing walk
The sun shone brightly on the lake,
A weak autumnal sun,
Bright but un-warming
And a light wind stirred the branches
Of the leafless weeping cherry tree
And added to the chill
The familiar pair of resident ducks
Bobbed on the choppy surface
Seemingly oblivious to the cold
Mist on the distant mountains
Hinted at what was to come
By the time I pushed open my front gate
I was suitably refreshed
And glad to be home

That night the storm hit
A storm that began as a hurricane
Far out across the ocean
Then as it hit the land
It was merely a tropical storm
When it got to us it was just a storm
But what a storm it was
Thick black clouds turning day to night
It rained and promised to rain even more
Inches and inches of rain
Large gray drops ran down the bare trees
And splashed on the grey waters of the lake
Bouncing off the green and brown backs
Of the resilient swimming ducks
The Hurricanes remnants
Took three days to pass
And left the lake considerable deeper
.
In the calm after the storm
We basked in the warmth
Of a bonus summers like day
Left in the tropical storms wake
The two ducks swam lazily across the still water
Bees were out looking for flowers
Ants crawled around in the grass,
Adding to their winter stock of food.
And squirrels chattered away
As they searched for acorns and pine nuts
And ran amongst the shadows
Of the dogwood trees
A blue heron flew to the very top
Of the leafless weeping cherry tree
Doubtless lost in the storm
It spent the day recharging its batteries
And getting its bearings
Later it joined the ducks on the water
Obviously to ask directions

The next day summer had gone again
And autumn had returned
The day began with an overcast sky and chilly breeze
Later as I walked for a while beside the lake
It had become a warm and sunny day.
Warm of course, is a relative term
It was above freezing, just
The sun was bright; the wind light but cold
All was silent, the waters calm
A duck slept in the shadow
Of the leafless weeping cherry
The other was close by but silent
And the blue heron was perched,
Motionless, on the top of the bare dogwood
Before it launched itself
And after circling the lake once it was on its way
The squirrels were hiding
I saw no bees searching for flowers
And the ants were out of sight

Winter arrived yesterday
With heavy snow falling in the morning
Then the skies cleared
And the temperature plummeted
Today the landscape wass even more beautiful
And the lake was frozen
The ducks were no where to be seen
I don’t know where they go
But they always come back
The ground is crisp under foot
And it is very very cold
The squirrels were the only creatures I saw
And they were happily raiding their stores
Feasting on acorns and chasing around
I decided it was too cold for me
And headed for the fireside
To reflect on this week’s abundance of seasons

21st CENTURY SAUCY NURSERY RHYMES

21st CENTURY SAUCY NURSERY RHYMES # 001

Ride a cock horse to old Kings Cross
To find a lady of the night of course
With tattoos on their hips and a stud thru the nose
And a couple of quid buys you a couple of ho’s

21st CENTURY SAUCY NURSERY RHYMES # 002

Ride a cock horse to old Kings Cross
To find a lady of the night of course
Who gets down on her knees and gives the best blows
And you can come in her mouth till it comes out her nose

21st CENTURY SAUCY NURSERY RHYMES # 003
Mary was a little flirt
With big seductive eyes
And many a lucky lad
Had been between her thighs

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 90

The Sandman's coming
In his train of cars
Think! Tiredness kills
Stop at the next services

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 91

What are little boys made of?Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of!"
What are big boys made of?Chips and ales, and chasing girls tails
That's what big boys are made of!"
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 92

Diddle, diddle, dumpling, my son John,Went outside with no trousers on
Both shoes off and no pants on
Along came a policeman “You’re nicked son”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 93

Seesaw Margery Daw Johnny shall have a new masterHe shall earn but a penny a day
Because his employer is a bastard

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 94

Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town,Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown,Tapping at the window and crying through the lock,Come on everyone and look at my - undergarments

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 95

What are little girls made of?"Sugar and spice and all things nice
That's what little girls are made of!"

What are big girls made of?"Allure and entice and all kinds of vice
That's what big girls are made of!"

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 96

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was black as night
And in the winter snow
It stood out against the white

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 97

One two buckle my shoe
Three, four, Velcro you woreFive, six, slip-ons you pickSeven, eight, lace them up straightNine, ten, slip-ons again Eleven, twelve, dig and delveThirteen, fourteen, specialist shopping

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 98

One two buckle my shoe
Three, Four, Excuse me miss?
Do you have these in a size 10 sling-back?

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 99

Lizzie Borden took an axe,
And gave her mother forty whacks,
And her defence in court would be
She was suffering from PMT

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 100

Lizzie Borden took an axe,
And gave her mother forty whacks,
When she saw what she had done,
She gave the bitch another one

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 101

Ride a cock horse to Banbury Cross
To see a fine lady upon a white horseWith rings on her fingers and bells on her toes
If you give her ten pounds then anything goes

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 102

Mary had a little secret
She was a bit of a lush
She was not white as snow
But pure as the driven slush

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 103

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a horse
She never ate her ride
But ate the lamb of course

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 104

Mary had a little lamb
It died but she wasn’t sad
She did love her little lamb
But she really loved kebabs

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 105

Mary had a little skirt
It was way above knees
And when she sat down
You could see her fleece

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 106

Mary was a little tart
Who really put it about
Young men flocked to her
And none of them went without

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 107

Hush a bye baby, on the tree top,When the wind blows the cradle will rock;When the bow breaks, the cradle will fall,And down will come baby, cradle and all.
But don’t worry it’ll be ok, if you live in Harringay

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 108

The North wind doth blow and we shall have snowPavements won’t be cleared and roads won’t see grit
Council employees will sit in the depot keeping warm
While the rest of us citizens have to get on with it

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 109

This is the house that Jack built!This is mortgage on the house that Jack built.This is the rat that foreclosed on the mortgage
That was on the house that Jack built.
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 110

Young lambs to sell, young lambs to sellIf I won the lottery how I would yell
If I won so much money that I couldn’t tell
That I could taste and touch and smell
I would never have to cry, "Young lambs to sell"

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 111

The Queen of Hearts she made some tarts all on a summer's day;The Knave of Hearts he stole the tarts and took them clean away.Which is just as well because the Queen of Hearts can’t bake
And if she’d served them to the King he’d have burnt her at the stake

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 112

It's raining; it's pouring.
The old man is snoring.
We should have changed but instead,
We didn’t and we’ll all be dead by morning
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 113

Jack and Jill went into town
To have a drink with each other
They both fell down
Outside the crown
And then threw up in the gutter

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 114

Higgledy Piggledy, My fat hen, She lays eggs Full of Collagen
Good for women, And good for men, Higgledy Piggledy, My fat hen!
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 115

Hey diddle dinkety, poppety, pet,The Bankers of London should wear scarlet;As a mark of dishonour to shame them
But they carry on as before these banking men

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 116

Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town,Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown.He does it for attention so everyone can see
Because he thinks that he’s a celebrity

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 117

“Where are you going, my pretty maid?" "I'm going clubbing, mate," she said. "May I go with you, my pretty maid?" "Only if you're paying, mate," she said.
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 118

When good King Arthur ruled this land,He was a goodly king;
But Lancelot did shag the Queenand that was not the thing
So he killed the queen but spared lance
As he was still loyal to his king

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 119

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a horse
She could never eat her ride
But lamb with mint sauce?

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 120

There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
No one was to tease
That everyone agreed
As she was the daughter of Herman Munster