21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 90

The Sandman's coming
In his train of cars
Think! Tiredness kills
Stop at the next services

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 91

What are little boys made of?Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of!"
What are big boys made of?Chips and ales, and chasing girls tails
That's what big boys are made of!"
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 92

Diddle, diddle, dumpling, my son John,Went outside with no trousers on
Both shoes off and no pants on
Along came a policeman “You’re nicked son”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 93

Seesaw Margery Daw Johnny shall have a new masterHe shall earn but a penny a day
Because his employer is a bastard

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 94

Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town,Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown,Tapping at the window and crying through the lock,Come on everyone and look at my - undergarments

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 95

What are little girls made of?"Sugar and spice and all things nice
That's what little girls are made of!"

What are big girls made of?"Allure and entice and all kinds of vice
That's what big girls are made of!"

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 96

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was black as night
And in the winter snow
It stood out against the white

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 97

One two buckle my shoe
Three, four, Velcro you woreFive, six, slip-ons you pickSeven, eight, lace them up straightNine, ten, slip-ons again Eleven, twelve, dig and delveThirteen, fourteen, specialist shopping

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 98

One two buckle my shoe
Three, Four, Excuse me miss?
Do you have these in a size 10 sling-back?

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 99

Lizzie Borden took an axe,
And gave her mother forty whacks,
And her defence in court would be
She was suffering from PMT

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 100

Lizzie Borden took an axe,
And gave her mother forty whacks,
When she saw what she had done,
She gave the bitch another one

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 101

Ride a cock horse to Banbury Cross
To see a fine lady upon a white horseWith rings on her fingers and bells on her toes
If you give her ten pounds then anything goes

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 102

Mary had a little secret
She was a bit of a lush
She was not white as snow
But pure as the driven slush

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 103

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a horse
She never ate her ride
But ate the lamb of course

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 104

Mary had a little lamb
It died but she wasn’t sad
She did love her little lamb
But she really loved kebabs

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 105

Mary had a little skirt
It was way above knees
And when she sat down
You could see her fleece

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 106

Mary was a little tart
Who really put it about
Young men flocked to her
And none of them went without

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 107

Hush a bye baby, on the tree top,When the wind blows the cradle will rock;When the bow breaks, the cradle will fall,And down will come baby, cradle and all.
But don’t worry it’ll be ok, if you live in Harringay

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 108

The North wind doth blow and we shall have snowPavements won’t be cleared and roads won’t see grit
Council employees will sit in the depot keeping warm
While the rest of us citizens have to get on with it

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 109

This is the house that Jack built!This is mortgage on the house that Jack built.This is the rat that foreclosed on the mortgage
That was on the house that Jack built.
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 110

Young lambs to sell, young lambs to sellIf I won the lottery how I would yell
If I won so much money that I couldn’t tell
That I could taste and touch and smell
I would never have to cry, "Young lambs to sell"

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 111

The Queen of Hearts she made some tarts all on a summer's day;The Knave of Hearts he stole the tarts and took them clean away.Which is just as well because the Queen of Hearts can’t bake
And if she’d served them to the King he’d have burnt her at the stake

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 112

It's raining; it's pouring.
The old man is snoring.
We should have changed but instead,
We didn’t and we’ll all be dead by morning
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 113

Jack and Jill went into town
To have a drink with each other
They both fell down
Outside the crown
And then threw up in the gutter

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 114

Higgledy Piggledy, My fat hen, She lays eggs Full of Collagen
Good for women, And good for men, Higgledy Piggledy, My fat hen!
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 115

Hey diddle dinkety, poppety, pet,The Bankers of London should wear scarlet;As a mark of dishonour to shame them
But they carry on as before these banking men

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 116

Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town,Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown.He does it for attention so everyone can see
Because he thinks that he’s a celebrity

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 117

“Where are you going, my pretty maid?" "I'm going clubbing, mate," she said. "May I go with you, my pretty maid?" "Only if you're paying, mate," she said.
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 118

When good King Arthur ruled this land,He was a goodly king;
But Lancelot did shag the Queenand that was not the thing
So he killed the queen but spared lance
As he was still loyal to his king

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 119

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a horse
She could never eat her ride
But lamb with mint sauce?

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 120

There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
No one was to tease
That everyone agreed
As she was the daughter of Herman Munster