A Little Bit Of Humour # 48

ARE YOU WEARING IT FOR A LAUGH?

Are you wearing it for a laugh?
It’s overly sweet in fact it’s cloying
I know it’s supposed to be funny
But to me it’s just annoying

PINEAPPLE DUFFER

When my Dad was just a boy
Pineapple slices came in a tin
And had he put it on his dinner
Bedlam would have taken him

WHEN YOU MARRY

When you marry
Choose a partner
You love to talk to
Because when
Attraction fades
And lover becomes friend
Because conversation
Maybe all that’s left

HE WASN’T A SOPHISTICATE

He wasn’t a sophisticate
Which for some can be a plus
But he always thought
That a coach was a posh bus

FIFA HAS BEEN INEFFECTUAL

FIFA has been ineffectual
In its fight against Racism
In stark contrast with the rise
Of pan European Fascism
Who seem more likely to
Kick football out of Racism

CHELSEA FLOWER SHOW

At Chelsea my mother
Ran naked thru the judge’s tent
And she won first prize
For the best dry arrangement

ARE YOU WEARING A SELF-IMPORTANT LOOK?

Are you wearing a self-important look?
Well I would say you are in my opinion
And further more I will bet my house
On the fact that you are a politician

CUSTOMER SATISFACTION

I was so unhappy
With the service
At my local café
I wrote an insult
On the table
In tomato ketchup
Before leaving
Which is what I call
Complaining with Relish

THE DRUG MULE SURPRISE

The drug mule
Smuggled cocaine
In little plastic eggs
More accustomed
To holding a toy
And that’s what I call
A Kindle Surprise

WHEN MY WIFE REACHED FORTY

When my wife reached forty
Despite all the happy memories
I was left with no alternative
But to change her for two twenties

AN OPTIMISTIC OPTICIAN

I go to an optimistic optician
When I need my biannual checks
The only downside is that he
Always sells me rose tinted specs

SHE BLUSHED TO HER ROOTS

She blushed to her roots
When he gave his diagnosis
Which caused him to delay
In delivering the prognosis
Then it dawned on him as he
Looked at the blushing Dinah
So he said to her much louder
“I said you have acute angina”

KARL MARX LIKED HERBAL TEA

Karl Marx liked herbal tea
In his place on the left
And he preferred it because
All proper tea was theft

21ST CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 316

Jack ate all the lean
Jill ate all the fat
So now he’s anorexic
And she is always sat

ARE YOU WEARING THAT FOR FUN?

Are you wearing that for fun?
That’s a good enough reason Hon
I really love you in the black one
But I love more when it’s undone