21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 155

 

Pat a cake, Pat a cake, Bakers man

Bake me a cake as fast as you can; 

Full of E numbers and artificial flavouring

Then microwave it until the oven pings

ARE YOU WEARING BAGGY TROUSERS?

 

Are you wearing baggy trousers?

For any particular reason

They aren’t the height of fashion

They’re not even last season

You think they look “cool”

Whereas they look simply shoddy

I don’t know why you wear them

Unless you have a baggy body

PUBLIC INFORMATION MESSAGE

 

This is a public information message

The information is for everyone

Kindly heed this important warning 

If you wish to heat or cook a bun

 

Using the microwave and the toaster

Simultaneously must not be done

It could throw the earth out of orbit

And send us crashing into the sun

SELF-MEDICATING

 

There is a pill, that I take a lot

I take it when I don’t feel so hot

I knew the name but then I forgot

And the nameless pill I take a lot

Tells me I'm happy when I'm not 

THE ANNUAL AFFLICTION

 

They make my eyes itch

They make me sneeze

They make me cough

They make me wheeze

They make me choke

They make me seize

Give me a cure

Oh won’t you please

Free me from

These allergies

LAZARUS PILL # 1

 

There is a pill that I have to take

For recreation the doctor said

It’s a very special little blue pill

And I use it to raise up the dead

MY HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE

 

As I stood on my drive

I saw cracking little lass

Bend over on the footpath

Showing me her ass

 

My high blood pressure

Went up even more

Then my pacemaker

Opened the garage door