21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 64

 

There was a crooked man, and he walked a crooked mile,

Well, that’s not strictly true he travelled there in style

After all what is the point of being a crooked man

If you can’t live it good and large when you can

DOCTOR FRANK

 

My doctor was very frank

When discussing my fitness

He said to me without humour

“What fits your busy schedule best?

Exercising for one hour each day, or

Being dead for twenty-four”

SEXUAL PREFERENCES # 12

 

I do have a favourite;

I like them with a predisposition

Basically, I like them dirty

And prepared for any position

 

I love Commando Jo

And nudie Trudy

Above the knee Fi

And rudie Judy

 

I love on her back Jack

The leer-er Vera

Back-alley Sally

And in the rear Greer

 

I love fellatia Felicia

The giver of head

Pork me Courtney

And three in a bed Winifred

THE NEW A-TEAM

 

I always loved the A-Team

A force for good

Coming to the rescue

All guns blazing

But no one ever got shot

Hannibal Smith was the brains

B.A.Baracus the brawn

Face was the fixer,

And howling mad Murdock

Well need I say more

 

Well, they’re coming back

In a newish sort of version

Well, a Jewish sort of version

Called the Oy Vey team

With Chaim Schmitt

BA Barabbas

Fizzog and Kinda Miffed Mazel Tov

GARNISHING

If you put a tomato

On top of your knickerbocker glory

Instead of a cherry

It counts as a salad; well, that’s my story 

DOCTOR BLUNT

 

My doctor was very unfair

He said that the handle on my reclining chair

And my TV remote control device

Are not sufficient forms of exercise

DOOR STEPPING

 

There are two women

Calling at houses down our street

Brow beating everyone

Of the poor householders they meet

 

They extol the virtues

Of brown bread and its effect on fitness

One in particular is quite fierce

I’m sure that she is a Hovis Witness