WENCH HUNT

 

A certain healthy horny fellow

With his wild oats to sow

Will seek a field that’s fallow

With a mind to plough the furrow

WHAT CAN I GIVE UP?

 

For lent you have to give up

Something that you enjoy

Well, that gave me a lot more choices

When I was but a boy

Now it’s not quite so easy

I don’t enjoy too much at my age

So, I will have to give up being cantankerous

Or just give up road rage

SANDALS IN THE BIN - THE BALLAD OF MOTHER THERESA

Goodbye Mother T

Though I never knew you at all

You had the grace to hold yourself

While those around you crawled

They crawled out of their poverty

And they gathered again and again

God set you on the treadmill

And he made you change your name

 

And it’s been told to me that since you died

They put your sandals in the bin

But having them to cling to

When the pain set in.

I would have liked to have sold them

For just a few quid.

But your Sandals were thrown out long before

We even got a bid

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 23

 

One, two, three, four, five.

Once I caught a fish alive,

But what we couldn’t see

The fish was full of Mercury

HAPPY BIRTHDAY # 19

 

Don’t worry about your age

You may look old and crappy

But you still deserve to have

A birthday that’s happy

FRIENDSHIP # 4

 

Dearest friend

You know the song in my heart

And when I am low

And I have forgotten the words

You sing it back to me

Thank you for being my friend

PUT DOWN # 22

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

“Hey baby, what's your sign”?

Is a question he may tender

So just reply to him

“My sign is “do not enter””