21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 5

 

Mary Mary quite contrary,

How has your garden thrived?

With fertilizers and chemicals?

Or is it genetically modified?

INCONSEQUENTIAL?

Maybe to the world at large

You are just one person

Small, inconsequential

But if you think that you’re wrong

The truth I want to tell you

On a banner boldly unfurled

To this one lucky person

You are the entire world 

THANK GOD IT’S FEBRUARY

 

Thank God it’s February

And the month of January

Is now just a memory

And thank God for Salary

HAPPY BIRTHDAY # 1

 

You’ve reached a ripe old age

If you were wine you would be Vintage

But you’re a man if I may be so bold

And lets face it you’re just old

PUT DOWN # 4

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

If he says to you “I'm a photographer

I've been looking for a face like yours.”

Just reply “I'm a plastic surgeon

I've been looking for a face like yours.”

HANDBAGS AND GLADRAGS

 

Alligators and Crocodiles

Swam the murky waters

Unchanged in their ancestry

And in their sons and daughters

 

Oh how time had left them

As the world kept spinning

Swimming the murky waters

Since the worlds beginning

 

Until they then fell foul

Of fashion entrepreneurs

Valuing them for their skins

For devotees of couture

FEVERISH

 

I don’t think I have swine flu

As I haven’t been to Mexico

But I don’t feel well at all

I feel like crap if you must know

I thought of the NHS for advice

On the flu and perhaps its tackling

So I phoned the swine flu hotline

But all I got was crackling