Friday 30 April 2021

REWRITING HISTORY ONE FACT AT A TIME # 3

 

If there is one thing that irritates me more than any other, it has to be historical inaccuracies in film and TV scripts.

Now I’m not talking about things like Braveheart or The Battle of the Bulge or countless other attempts’ by the Americans to rewrite history.

No, the things that irritate me are the little things, the small easy to verify things, the things that they just can’t be bothered to do right.

 

For example, take The 2006 movie “the Holiday” with Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Jack Black and Eli Wallach, which. I particularly liked.

It has all the ingredients required for a great Christmas film, engaging characters, humour, pathos, romance, cute kids and a happy ending, or in this case a multiple happy ending.

That aside the Grinch in me won’t forgive the unpardonable sin of a glaring error and a failure to research correctly.

Eli Wallach’s character, Arthur, asks Iris played by Kate Winslet

“What part of England are you from?”

To which she replies “Surrey”

“Cary Grant was from Surrey” Arthur says

“That’s right he was” Iris confirms

No, he bloody wasn’t from Surrey he was from Bristol.

How did they not get that right, why did they not check a simple fact like that?

If they wanted to keep the Cary Grant reference, Iris could have answered Arthur’s question.

“What part of England are you from?”

By saying, “Bristol”

Or if they wanted her to be from Surrey, why didn’t they pick another internationally known actor from Surrey such as Bill Nighy, Colin Firth, Edward Woodward, Julia Ormond, Julie Andrews, Laurence Olivier, Peggy Ashcroft, Peter Cushing or Ronald Colman.

How simple would that have been “Laurence Olivier was from Surrey” Arthur could have said, but no they had to ruin an otherwise perfectly good film.

DO IT ON THE SIDE

 

Simon the landscape gardening man

Will turn his hand to what he can

So not just gardens attract his attention

Its not just horticultural dedication

It’s to the wives of clients he is drawn

As he tends to garden and to lawn

And when he’s finished laying the patios

He lays the clients wife before he goes

CATERING FOR EVERYONE

 

The funeral directors

Have an annual dinner dance

You should go some time

If you get the chance

The foods not up to much

Considering it cost a packet

The strangest dish however

Is “Chicken in a Casket”

WHAT WERE YOU DOING?

 

People of a certain generation

Older than baby boomers anyway

Know exactly what they were doing

The day Oswald assassinated JFK

 

I have no inkling what I was doing

I was only seven years old you see

I would definitely know however

Had they assassinated Mr Pastry

 

I do know what I was doing exactly

When first I heard Bohemian Rhapsody

I remember like it was yesterday

And who I did it with on her settee

INFINITE TIME

 

Time itself is infinite

So infinite as to be immeasurable

By time itself

Our own time, upon our earth

A lifetime is so short

A life’s time passes in an instant

So quickly

It would fail to register

As the merest twitch

Of the sweep hand

On the mighty time piece

The great universal clock

IN THESE TRYING TIMES

 

In these trying times

Innovation is required

To make the most

Of any opportunities 

Like a pop-up restaurant

Which sells toast

WHATS IN A NAME (17)

 

Does anyone think is Tom Good?

Did anyone else think Natalie Wood?

Does anyone know was Lionel Blue?

Did anyone know if Nancy Drew?