AN UNSUSPECTING PENSIONER

 An unsuspecting pensioner

Was approached by a professional begger

"Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."

"Force yourself dear," she says     

SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE REFERENDUM, 2014

 

The Scottish Nationalists

Want to go for independence

Which is their prerogative

I am filled with indifference

Go or stay I don’t care

Its Scotland’s decision

As long as it’s a well informed

Choice for the division

But dear Alex Salmond

Is one of the arrogant asses

Views everything English

Thru Tartan tinted glasses

 

Thursday 18 September 2014.

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 239

 

My father left me three acres of land,

Oh grand, oh grand

And what can be found on this land?

Only sand, just sand

ARE YOU WEARING A CROSS?

 

Are you wearing a cross?

So, are you a regular church goer then?

No, I really don’t think it counts

Having sex in the cemetery now and again

VIOLET HIT ROSE

 

Violet hit Rose

Square on the nose

She lost the plot

And Rose cried a lot

 

Noses have bled

Eyes they are red

Violet you’re blue

But what did I do?

WE WERE SHOPPING FOR HOLIDAY CLOTHES

We were shopping for holiday clothes

And we were very nearly done

When my wife reached the swimwear

“Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?”

She asked me so I replied “get a bikini”

'You will never get it all in one”

THE GRAVESIDE SERVICE WAS OVER

 

The graveside service was over,

When there was a clap of thunder,

Followed by a bolt of lightning,

Then a louder clap of thunder

The old man turned and said

“Well, she’s arrived then Vicar”