GREAT DEPRESSION

 

I have been diagnosed with depression

But I won’t let it beat me

I have been on the Internet

And I’ve found the treatment for me

It’s the 18 step plan

And I start on the first tee

YEARS AGO I BOUGHT A CAR

Years ago, I bought a car

Second hand, not new

It was a Chrysler Alpine

In Metallic electric blue

Top of the line

With head light washer wipers

Velour upholstery

All round Electric winders

It was a lovely thing

Oozing aesthetic beauty

So naturally I coughed up

All of my hard-earned booty

That was when I found out

I’d dropped a clanger

My lovely luxury car

Was in fact an old banger

It should have taught me

A lesson about life

But I made the same mistake

When I married my wife 

HOW OLD WAS YOUR HUSBAND?

 

“How old was your husband?”

Asked the undertaker

“He was “96,” she replied

“I’m two years older”

 

“Wow! So you’re 98

That’s amazing Mrs Boone”

Then he continued

“I will see you again quite soon”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 126

 

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall

He must be a Liberal Democrat

ARE YOU WEARING SOMETHING SHOCKING?

 

Are you wearing something shocking?

Beneath your beautiful wedding dress

Well it’s not the stockings and suspenders

But your tattooed arse that will cause distress

CALL CENTER MODE ONCE MORE

 

One day Bimbette was having trouble

With her computer,

So she decided to try the call center

At a time that would suit her

 

"Hello how can I help you?"

Said the tech support guy

“What kind of computer do you have?

“A white one” was her reply

LAZARUS PILL # 2

 

I have pills to slow me down

And more to perk me up

I have one that helps me sleep

And one that helps me tup