HOUSEWIFE

 

When I used to leave the house

I kissed my wife goodbye

Now as I leave my wife

I have kissed the house goodbye

CONDOM

 

In the Middle Ages

The condom was invented

Using a goat's lower intestine

So, pregnancy could be prevented

It was an innovation of its time

But birth rates were un-dented

So, a simple modification was made

Resulting in a drop in births

They simply removed the intestine

From the goat first

HELP LINE # 2

I phoned the incontinence help line today

“I’m Mrs. Brown, can you help me pray”

But I was extremely disappointed to be told

By the disembodied voice that I should hold 

SOLICITING

 

A lady of the night

Was arrested by a cop

For selling herself

At a busy, truck stop

 

“I am not selling myself”

She told her accuser
“I am selling condoms

With a free applicator”

BIRTH DEFECT

 

A woman gave birth to a baby

And knew instantly that it was not right

“What’s wrong?” She asked the doctor

He said “your child is a hermaphrodite”

 

The woman had no idea what that was

But knew from his demeanour, it wasn’t good

The doctor hesitated before speaking

“It means the baby has more organs than it should”

 

“The baby is equipped as a man and a woman”

The doctor had to further explain

Before the woman finally understood

“You mean the baby has a penis and a brain”?

SENIOR TRUTH

If I must tell the truth about getting old,

Then I shall put all my cards on the table

Even when I’m naked I still want to

Slip into something more comfortable 

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 46

 

Red sky at night,

Arsonist’s delight;

Red sky at morning,

Four-minute warning.