MOBILE COMMUNICATION 2013

 

“I want to buy a mobile phone,

No I don’t want a camera,

Not even video,

No I don’t want movie downloads

Screensaver’s, internet access,

Or downloads of any kind

I don’t want WAP or WiFi

G3, G4 or G5

I don’t need 100 ringtones

10000 free minutes

Or unlimited texts at weekends

I don’t need a I GB data allowance

I don’t want to play games

I don’t need an MP3 player

I don’t want a tracker,

I neither want nor need

Blue tooth

Sharks tooth

Hounds tooth

Or dog tooth.

I do not require the world at my fingertips.

In short, what I want is a device

To make and receive phone calls

And to send and receive texts

I just want to buy a BLOODY PHONE”

“Thank you that one will be perfect

Does it have a torch?”

FOOD SCARE

 

I have just found out

That in the meals I buy

That there is sea horse

In my fisherman’s pie

GERIATRIC DOCTOR

The Doctor on the geriatric ward

Placed his stethoscope

On the chest of an elderly patient

By the name of Mrs Hope

She was quite a bit deaf

So, he said “big breaths,” loudly

“Well Doctor they used to be,”

Mrs Hope replied proudly

ARE YOU WEARING SEVEN INCH HEELS?

 

Are you wearing seven-inch heels?

As you’re tottering down the street

But don’t you feel silly standing

Six foot two in your stocking feet

MY DEAR WIFE SAID TO ME

 

My dear wife said to me

“I hate you when you’re drunk Stephen”

I replied, “Well I hate you

When I’m sober so that makes us even”

GIFTED AMATEURS

 

If someone says they’re an Amateur

There’s really no need to panic

Because Amateurs built the Ark 

While Professionals built the Titanic

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – THE UNTOUCHABLES (1987)

 

“The Untouchables” is a Crime Drama, Written by David Mamet, suggested by a book by Oscar Fraley and Eliot Ness and Directed by Brian De Palma.

The story is set during the era of Prohibition in the United States, when legendary crime boss Al Capone (Robert De Niro) rules Chicago with an iron fist after building an empire with bootleg alcohol.

Prohibition Agent Eliot Ness (Kevin Costner) attempts to take Capone down, but due to widespread corruption within the Windy City's police force even his best efforts fail.

So because of the rampant corruption, he assembles an elite group of lawmen, a small hand-picked team who won't be swayed by bribes or fear, to help him, including Irish-American cop Jimmy Malone (Sean Connery), George Stone (Andy Garcia) and Oscar Wallace (Charles Martin Smith) and with his team in place Ness renewed his determination to bring Capone to justice.