I WORK AT THE MET OFFICE

 

I work at the met office

And my name is Bob

I have to do the pollen count

God it’s a difficult job

BLEAK FORECAST

 

There was Snow in the forecast!

And the TV weather girl said

“I’m expecting 8 inches tonight”

I thought to myself, “what a big head”

And anyway, with a face like that

She’d need her vibrator Instead

SENIOR FORCAST

 

Since I’ve been retired

I’ve noticed that my hips

Are more accurate forecasters

Than those met office twits

ONE FOOT OF SNOW FELL

 

One foot of snow fell

In the town of Lexington

So, when he went outside

He only wore one Wellington

SNOW SHOW

A weather man predicted snow

But he didn’t get it right

So the female anchor on the show

Asked to our delight

“So Bob, where's that 8 inches!

You promised me last night?”

SNOWMEN

Men are like the Snowstorms

That hit in winter

Hard and fast

You never know when they're coming

How many inches you'll get

Or how long it will last

I WORK AT THE MET OFFICE

 

I work at the met office

And my name is Bob

I have to do the pollen count

God it’s a difficult job

DOWN ON THE FARM

 

I stayed on my uncle’s farm for a fortnight’s holiday

And it was so wild and windy on one particular day

One chicken laid the same egg four times that day

WHAT A WEEK

 

We went to the lakes

For a week’s holiday

It only rained twice

While we were away

Once for six days

And once for a day

BLEAK FORECAST

There was Snow in the forecast!

And the TV weather girl said

“I’m expecting 8 inches tonight”

I thought to myself, “what a big head”

And anyway, with a face like that

She’d need her vibrator instead

WEATHER OR NOT

They tell us it’s the climate

That makes our country wet

So, climate is what we expect

But weather is what we get

SEXY WEATHER

 

Here’s something you may already know

Sex is very much like snow

When you are in the clinches

You never know how many inches

You are going to get in elevation

Or how long it will last in duration

WEATHER MEN

 

Just as it is with a man

          So, it is with the weather

Because nothing ever can

          Be done to change either

WEATHER OR NOT

 

The weather types keep on issuing they’re warning

And they keep bleating on about global warming

They even know the temperature to within a degree

In the summer of two thousand and ninety-three

We can expect out summers to be long and very hot

And our winters will be mild and damp like as not

Why should we believe that a heatwave will ignite?

When they can’t even get the two-day forecast right