I GOT CHATTING ON THE EURO STAR

 

I got chatting on the Euro Star

And I really rather enjoyed it

First, I made a Belgian waffle

And then a Frenchman talk shit

ON THE JOURNEY TO WORK

 

On the journey to work

I had a nightmare

But I woke up before I ran

Anyone down to be fair

WHEN WE REACHED CRUISING ALTITUDE

 

When we reached cruising altitude

As we headed for another continent

The cabin light dimmed to enhance,

The appearance of our flight attendant

A CONFUSED SPERM ASKED FOR DIRECTIONS

 

A confused sperm asked for directions

Not really a masculine trait

But he asked and was told

Oh, I wouldn’t start from here mate

I HAVE A PHOBIA ABOUT FLYING

 

I have a phobia about flying

And I won’t fly Virgin, no way

After all why use an airline

That doesn’t go all the way?

THE AIRPLANE WAS INVENTED

 

The Airplane was invented

By an optimist

While the parachute was

Invented by a pessimist

WHINGING HOLIDAY MAKERS # 6

 

We went all-inclusive and booked

A day out to a water park, with flumes

But no-one thought to tell us we needed

To take our own swimming costumes

WHINGING HOLIDAY MAKERS # 5

 

We requested a twin bed room

But we ended up with a king size

As a result, my wife is pregnant

So that was a nice holiday surprise

WHINGING HOLIDAY MAKERS # 4

When we were on holiday

We went swimming in the sea

No-one said there would be fish

The kids found it very scary 

WHINGING HOLIDAY MAKERS # 3

 

Topless sunbathing on the beach

Should be universally banned

My husband finds it distracting

And can’t relax as he planned

WHINGING HOLIDAY MAKERS # 2

 

We had a terrible holiday

It was ruined by drunken pests

Our tour operator should have

Warned us of noisy unruly guests

WHINGING HOLIDAY MAKERS # 1

 

We went on a self-catering

Luxury break in Bognor  

But the fully equipped kitchen

Didn’t have an egg separator

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 12

 

The beach was right outside the hotel

Which I suppose was alright

But is wasn’t much like the brochure

The sand was yellow not white

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 11

 

The golden beach was outside the hotel

Which was really handy

But although it looked like the brochure

The beach was too sandy

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD #10

 

While we were in Spain

I bought a Rolex from an Algerian

Which turned out to be a fake

I’ll never see those 10 Euros again

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 9

 

When we were on holiday

My wife was bitten by a mosquito

Nowhere in the brochure

Did it mention mosquitoes

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 8

 

We had to line up outside

To catch the sightseeing boat

And there was no air-conditioning

Not even when we got afloat

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 7

 

When we were in Spain there

Were a lot of foreigners there 

And they all spoke Spanish

Which I don’t think is fair

I WAS HANGING OUT BY THE POOL

 

I was hanging out by the pool

When I was on holiday in Spain

But someone kindly let me know

So, I tucked it back in again

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 5

We flew to the West Indies

It took nine hours to get there

It took the Americans three hours

This seems very unfair