ALAS POOR HAMLET

 

Alas, poor Derek! I blew him, Fellatio: a fellow

of infinite zest, of most excellent fancy: then he hath

boned me on my back a thousand times;

MY TEACHER IS EXTREMELY ANCIENT

My teacher is extremely ancient

But I don’t want to be thought a fool  

But it is the truth as he told us

He taught Shakespeare at his old school

MY GIRLFRIEND LOVES HORSES AND

 

My girlfriend loves horses and

All things Shakespearian

And she says “To be or not to be

A horse rider, that is equestrian”

MY TEACHER IS EXTREMELY ANCIENT

 

My teacher is extremely ancient

But I don’t want to be thought a fool  

But it is the truth as he told us

He taught Shakespeare at his old school

CAESAR FOR SOOTH

 

Wear the strides of starch? What plan is that 

A couth player kids you dare the strides of starch

Get him to score for me? Get me his place

Yellow some of the thongs look upon a geezer

Plot may plow to the sea cow

Chic won aclaim

Wear the strides of starch

She is a cleaner Petula Cleavesden-Arse

RICHARD’S REPAST

 

How is this dinner?

Where’s the condiment?

Made delicious supper

With a chop of pork

And all the herbs

That spiced upon our plates

A brief soupcon

Of liqueur and berries

MARK ME ANTHONY

Fiends, rascals, rapscallions

Tell me your fears

I, ever a busy geezer, try to raise them

SHAKESPEARE HAS LEFT THE BUILDING, ANTHONY

What Elvis Presley did lives after him

The king is now interred with his tones

So let it be from Caesar’s

In notorious Vegas

Were Elvis the king was tremendous

HAMLET’S ANAGRAM – TO BE OR NOT TO BE # 1

In one of the Bard's

Best thought of tragedies

Our insistent hero

Hamlet

Queries on two fronts

About how life turns rotten

ONCE MORE HENRY

 

Once more onto the beach

Dear ones by the shore   

Or sit on the wall or deck chair or sun bed

UNFRIENDLY TO HENRY

 

The both are false friends in my eyes 

I see them stand like vultures in the wings   

Straining on my good nature, and times run out     

Follow my instinct and upon this course      

I cry “sod that Gary England and sister George”

HAMLET’S ANAGRAM – TO BE OR NOT TO BE # 3

 

I wrote all of Shakespeare's plays,

And the wife and I got together,

Did most of his sonnets

For our entertainment.

But tormentors oft attribute

That our brash quotes

As being bogus. O! No! No! No!

HAMLET’S ANAGRAM – TO BE OR NOT TO BE # 2

 

Is a befitting quote from

One of Shakespeare's greatest tragedies.

But why won't Hamlet's

Inspiring motto toss

Our stubborn hero's

Tortuous battle for life,

On one hand,

And death, on another?

DIVORCE, DIVORCE

 

Divorce Divorce my kingdom for Divorce!

With law my friend I'll help you to divorce.

Brave, I have left my spouse at long last, and I will stand the brunt of law.

I think I will face six lawyers in the court, five have already contacted me so far.

Divorce, Divorce my kingdom for Divorce!

SHAKESPEARE’S WINE

Try Medoc and then sip the Saint Emillion

That this full-bodied wine shall smell of earth

With fruity nose, supple soft and well rounded

HAMLETS BREAKFAST

Ah cold porridge! I think not, waitress: marmalade

Of infinite zest, on toast lightly browned. I’ll have

A pot of coffee black a Colombian blend and now how

About juice freshly squeezed and that’s it, thanks.

JULIETS SAUCE

 

Oh Heinz, Heinz! Where is the Heinz?

Even my father has used the same

And if there is none, I will go without

As I will use no other ketchup

MARK ANTONY’S RUMP

 

Rump, sirloin, brisket, all but the ears

I come to roast beef not to braise it

Liver that can be so good with onions

Tripe, offal, and soup made with their bones

So, let it be with beef the noble cow

COOKING ROMEO

 

But soft and light filling, through pastry breaks

Is it the yeast and flour in the buns?

Arise soufflé and lunch will be soon

Who is ready to sit and dine on beef? 

HUNGRY SHAKESPEARE

 

To eat or not to eat, that is ingestion

Whether tis hunger in the mind to suffer

The pangs and gurgles of outrageous juices

Or to take in food against a sea of rumbles

And by digesting end them.