I AM A FORTIFIED WINE CONNOISSEUR

 

I am a connoisseur

Of all types of wine

Albeit self-taught

And have a Radio channel

About fortified wines

It’s called, Talks Port

GETTING ON # 15

 

They have just barred me

From the local Oddbins

For causing checkout queues

Trying to remember my pin

WHEN THEY ARE STEPPED ON

 

When they are stepped on

Their behaviour is quite benign

The Grapes never say a word

But they do give a little whine

WINE BOXES AREN’T FOR THE SNOBS

 

Wine boxes aren’t for the snobs

But what makes them unwhackable

Is unlike the odd shaped bottles

All the Wine boxes are stackable

WHEN THE WINE BOX IS EMPTY

 

When the wine box is empty

I am one of the thorough types

I rip open the cardboard

To reveal the Pinots tripe’s

And squeeze it dry as I play

The alcoholics bagpipes

ON THE VINE

 

My husband and I were

Visiting a vineyard

We were on holiday

To rekindle our passion

Which due to the side effects

Of his obesity

Sex was restricted

To only a special occasion

 

I’d lost sight of him briefly

Amidst the vines

When I found him

With an erection and at play

I looked at the vines

As he said Semi On, Semi On

I replied, “No not Sémillon

They’re Chardonnay”

I AM A FORTIFIED WINE CONNOISSEUR

 

I am a connoisseur

Of all types of wine

Albeit self taught

And have a Radio channel

About fortified wines

It’s called, Talks Port

SHAKESPEARE’S WINE

Try Medoc and then sip the Saint Emillion

That this full-bodied wine shall smell of earth

With fruity nose, supple soft and well rounded