I DON’T RISE AND SHINE

 

I don’t rise and shine

After a night of rest

I just caffeinate and then

Hope for the best

COFFEE CONUNDRUM

 

Coffee, Black, that’s all I crave

Nothing fancy, just Black Coffee

Not Latte, nor Macchiato

Cappuccino or even Espresso

But now I’m told by Baristas

It’s wrong to ask for Black Coffee,

Though often without verbalizing,

Instead, it’s with a disapproving look,

Apparently, I want an Americano

Well, I won’t play their stupid game

So now if I want a Black Coffee

I order Coffee without milk

MY FIRST EXPERIENCE OF DRINKING COFFEE

 My first experience of drinking Coffee

Was when I was a kid at school

It came in a bottle and tasted foul

“Camp” it was called and wasn’t cool   

I DO DRINK COFFEE

 

I do drink Coffee

But it’s not a favourite of mine

It doesn’t fill me with cheer

 

It just fills in the time

Until it’s socially acceptable

To start drinking beer

PC COFFEE TIME

 

Black coffee

That’s all I crave

Nothing fancy

Just coffee, black

Not latte

Skinny or otherwise

Not espresso

Cappuccino

Mocca

Mocca choca

Macchiato,

Americano

Just coffee, black

But now I’m told

It’s not PC

To order black coffee

Apparently

To be perfectly PC

When ordering black coffee

I must request

Coffee without milk

WAY BACK WHEN (1)

 

I miss the world that existed

When I was mobile

And phones weren’t

When there were only three TV channels

And we still had more choice

When coffee in a café

Came in only black or white

PC COFFEE

 

Coffee, black

That’s all I crave

Nothing fancy

Just black coffee

Not latte

Or espresso

But now I’m told

It’s not PC

To ask for black coffee

Apparently

To be PC

I must order

Coffee without milk

YOU KNOW YOU’VE HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK WHEN

 

You know you’ve had too much to drink when

Your Job is interfering with your drinking. 

You lose arguments with inanimate objects

And the whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in.

You know you’ve had too much to drink when

When you stand up and fall down on your ass

Clare short starts to look very attractive

You only recognize your wife through the bottom of a glass.

You know you’ve had too much to drink when

That pink elephant followed you home again

Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you

You try to dance like Kelly in singing in the rain

 

You know you’ve had too much to drink when

"TORO TORO TORO!” you wake up and scream

At AA meetings you can’t remember your name

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream

You know you’ve had too much to drink when

Your Basic diet is Caffeine, Alcohol and Nicotine

You can focus much better with one eye closed 

Clare Short is the most beautiful woman you’ve seen

I DO DRINK COFFEE

 

I do drink Coffee

But it’s not a favourite of mine

It doesn’t fill me with cheer

 

It just fills in the time

Until it’s socially acceptable

To start drinking beer

YOU KNOW YOU DRINK TOO MUCH COFFEE

 

You know you drink too much coffee when

You can sleep with your eyes wide open

When you can ski uphill on your snowboard.

And you have to watch videos in fast-forward.

 

You know you drank too many coffees.

When your eyes stay open when you sneeze

You speed walk in your sleep till six o’clock.

You answer the door before people knock.

 

You know you're drinking too much caffeine.

When you like to lick the coffeepot clean

If you haven't blinked since the last eclipse

And you chew on other people's fingertips

RICH ROAST

 

They say men are like Coffee

That’s what I heard all right

The best are rich and warm

And keep you up all night

HAMLETS BREAKFAST

Ah cold porridge! I think not, waitress: marmalade

Of infinite zest, on toast lightly browned. I’ll have

A pot of coffee black a Colombian blend and now how

About juice freshly squeezed and that’s it, thanks.