SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE # 2

As a proud Briton

I will be disappointed

In a strange way

 

Not if Scotland leaves

But more so

That Wales will stay

SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE # 1

 

As a proud Briton

I will be disappointed

If Scotland, choose to go

 

As an Englishman

I’ll be disappointed

If they vote no

HADRIAN’S WALL

 

The simple reason why

Hadrian’s Wall was built

Is that north of the border

The extremities wilt

As the wind doth blow

Right up your kilt

13TH CENTURY SCOTLAND

 

In 13th century Scotland:

A law passed fining men

For refusing proposals

If they are an eligible man

On February 29^th

EAST OF KINTYRE

On the Mull of Kintyre

I stood atop the steep cliffs

On a day so crisp and clear

And looked out towards the east

And it was possible to see

The mystical Ailsa Craig

And the Ayrshire coast beyond 

WEST OF KINTYRE # 3

 

On the Mull of Kintyre

I stood atop the steep cliffs

On a day so crisp and clear

And looked out towards the west

Where it was possible to make out

Malin Head in Donegal

WEST OF KINTYRE # 2

 

On the Mull of Kintyre

I stood atop the steep cliffs

On a day so crisp and clear

And looked out towards the west

Where it was possible to see

Rathlin Island clear as day

And Ballycastle just beyond

WEST OF KINTYRE # 1

 

On the Mull of Kintyre

I stood atop the steep cliffs

Looking out across the sea

To the distant misty shores

Of Antrim far away

SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE # 2

As a proud Briton

I will be disappointed

In a strange way

 

Not if Scotland leaves

But more so

That Wales will stay

SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE # 1

 

As a proud Briton

I will be disappointed

If Scotland chose to go

 

As an Englishman

I’ll be disappointed

If they vote no

MY NEW GIRLFRIEND IS FROM GLASGOW

 

My new girlfriend is from Glasgow

And when I met her Father and Mother

I found they were incredibly posh, 

They served deep fried Ferrero Rocher

LUSTFUL INTENT

 

It was a warm summer’s night in the 1974 and we were alone in a tent together when all at once the flaps flew open.

The tent flaps that is and not hers.

“What’s going on in here?” the voice said through the opening

I was lying under my sleeping bag and Marilyn was kneeling fully clothed, well almost, on an adjacent one.

The voice belonged to her father Ronald

“I might have known Cooper would be in his pit” he continued pompously

 

Her father Ronald was an Assistant Commissioner and we didn’t get on even before I started feeling up his daughter.

We were staying at the Lochearnhead Scout Station in Perth and Kinross.

It was once a working station before it fell foul of Dr Beeching and his cuts.

It was bought from British Railways soon after it closed, by the Hertfordshire Scouting association and was used as an activity centre for all levels of scouting in the county.

Which explains why I as a Venture Scout and Marilyn as a Cub Instructor were there.

At least it explains why we were in Lochearnhead, though not why we were alone together in a tent on a warm summer evening.

We had been seeing each other for about 3 months and we had reached the point where a kiss and a grope in the woods and a bit of fingering in the unisex toilets wasn’t enough for her and she wanted to go to the next level.

The reason we found ourselves in my tent was that Janice, the girl Marilyn shared with was entertaining a waiter from the local hotel in hers.

 

We had been planning the deed for about 3 days prior to that night as it was to be the first time for both of us.

But in the end as first times go it was pretty rubbish, in fact I’m not even sure it qualified as a first time.

As I managed to get myself into a condom but I wasn’t convinced I got into her before the incident came to a premature end.

Which is why she was almost fully dressed by the time Ronald arrived.

“Get back to your own tent young lady” he said

“You’re so embarrassing dad, Nothing happened” she responded

“I’ll deal with you later” Ronald said

“For God’s sake Dad, We didn’t do anything” Marilyn said

Which was true enough though it wasn’t for the want of trying

As they both walked off into the distance still arguing I thought she looked really horny in her uniform especially as she had her “Love is…” knickers stuffed in her uniform pocket.

 

Fortunately as we were both virgins and unlike the young of today we were incredibly naïve about sex, we were so much less aware back then.

Luckily Marilyn had no high expectations for the night, having no yardstick to measure it by.

So I got a second bite of the cherry so to speak which I took a couple of days later in the heathered hills of Glen Ogle and afterwards were left in no doubt whatsoever that we had had our first time.

 

The only downside was I got a tick bite on my arse for my trouble and guess who the duty first aider was.