WAS ANDREW MITCHELL RIGHT?

 

Was Andrew Mitchell right?

Are policemen a bit plebby,

According to a survey

It would appear they enjoy Typhoo tea,

Because of the adverts

Most of them live in new-build semis

Furnished by DFS or IKEA

They watch The One Show

And think it’s the news

Their diet consists of Pot Noodles

Cook in sauces or instant mash

They shop from the catalogues

Their favourite comedian is Jim Davidson

Entertainment is a 60-inch telly

Mr Policeman drinks Heineken

While his partner favours Lambrini

And despite the Andrew Mitchell libel case

They will still vote Conservative

Because they think Mitchel’s a Tory

And they don’t realise it’s the same thing

POLITICIANS PRETEND

 

Politicians pretend to

Represent the people

But in reality, they

See us merely as Sheople

THE OFFER THAT SWUNG THE VOTE

 

The offer that swung the vote

On the recent referendum day

Was lowering healthy portions

From five, to three a day

SLEAZY POLITICIANS APPEAR IN THE TABLOIDS

 

Sleazy politicians appear in the tabloids

As allegations are made afresh

But they all protest their innocence

Perhaps they were just pressing the flesh

THE GLASS CEILING HAS BEEN REMOVED

 

The glass ceiling has been removed

For the benefit of women everywhere

It’s a positive move long overdue

It was difficult to clean way up there

NIGEL FARAGE

 

Love him or loath him, Nigel Farage

Is strangely charismatic

In fact, he’s quite a colourful character

Which in truth is ironic

GOOD BYE SCOTLAND GOODBYE

 

Goodbye Scotland goodbye

Good bye Scotland don't cry

That little Nationalist train

that makes me

Quite happy, no words can tell how glad it makes me

Go now Scotland and then,

We’ll wave goodbye once again.

Hear us all cheer

Without a tear

And if it all goes wrong don’t come back in a year

Goodbye Scotland goodbye.

Good bye Scotland don't cry.

Sung to the tune of Toot Toot Tootsie

JOHN BERCOW

 

John Bercow has

Got on his high horse

Regarding height-ism

Well, I say high horse

AS IVAN ILLICH ONCE WROTE

 

As Ivan Illich once wrote,

A man clearly cleverer than me

Who stated that within

A consumer society

There are inevitably

Two kinds of slaves

The prisoners of addiction

And the prisoners of envy

SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE REFERENDUM, 2014

 

The Scottish Nationalists

Want to go for independence

Which is their prerogative

I am filled with indifference

Go or stay I don’t care

Its Scotland’s decision

As long as it’s a well informed

Choice for the division

But dear Alex Salmond

Is one of the arrogant asses

Views everything English

Thru Tartan tinted glasses

 

Thursday 18 September 2014.

THE SILVER VOTERS

 

The nations older aged voters

Are not that easy to impress

Because as you grow older

You stand for more and fall for less

NAZISM WAS LIKE A CANCER

 

Nazism was like a cancer

Spread across the continent

And when Hitler was defeated

It was not a cure, for the cancer

But merely in remission

LEADERS OF THE GREAT NATIONS

 

Leaders of the great nations

Who want respect from society

Should moderate their behaviours

And steer clear of notoriety

STATE SANCTIONED ASSASSINATION

 

State sanctioned assassination

Of a foreign émigré

But Polonium poisoning

Seems a preposterous way

To assassinate anyone

Whatever anyone might say

THE ENGLAND OF WINSTON

 

The England of Winston

Did it ever exist?

Those days long past

When we had our finest hour

 

The England of Winston

When national pride

Was not frowned upon

But openly celebrated

 

The England of Winston

Must be an invention

For it is so far removed

From what I see today

 

England without Winston

Is not pride worthy

It has no identity

And no sense of itself

THIS MORNING’S BREAKFAST NEWS

 

This morning’s Breakfast News

Live from Downing Street

On the rolling news that never stops

I have learned in the last few minutes

That the Prime Minister had toast

While Nick Clegg had coco pops

SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE # 2

As a proud Briton

I will be disappointed

In a strange way

 

Not if Scotland leaves

But more so

That Wales will stay

SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE # 1

 

As a proud Briton

I will be disappointed

If Scotland, choose to go

 

As an Englishman

I’ll be disappointed

If they vote no

EQUINE DEMOCRACY

 

They were voting in the House

On a Bill that had Parliament split

It was to give horses the right to vote

In the end the neighs had it

SHORT IN STATURE

 

Short in stature

Tall in stories

Short in grace

Long in charm

Slow in speech

Quick in boast

High in pride

Low in humility

Quick to brag

Slow in denial

Quick to arrive

Slow to leave

Slow to enamour

Quick to bore

Slow on the uptake

Quick out the door