I DON’T THINK OF YOU AS OLD

I don’t think of you as old

And what I say to everybody

Is you're just a young girl

Trapped in an old lady’s body

FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY

Would you like a home cooked meal?

And perhaps a good bottle of wine?

Good I phoned your mother

She said tomorrow at hers is fine

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOTHER DEAR # 1

 

Happy Birthday, mother dear

May all your wishes come true this year

Apart from the one I will not grant

That one that involves me being pregnant

ENJOY YOUR BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR BY ALL MEANS

Enjoy your birthday this year by all means

Don’t do anything embarrassing at the do

After all you don't have quite as much time

Left to live this one down as you used to.

YES OF COURSE YOU'RE TWENTY NINE

Yes of course you're twenty-nine

It’s so totally believable

With me being twenty-three

I am naturally a little gullible.

I HEARD ON THE GRAPEVINE THAT YOUR BIRTHDAY

 

I heard on the grapevine that your birthday

Was cancelled due to lack of aging!

But now I give you a closer look

I can see that they were exaggerating

FORTY IS THE OLD AGE OF YOUTH

Forty is the old age of youth

Which all sounds very sage

Whereas after another decade

Fifty is the youth of old age

THE BIG FIVE ZERO # 1

 

You may be 50

But don’t worry, yet

You’re not over the hill

So don’t you fret

There is nothing to fear

It’s only a number you know

It’s not as if overnight

You’ve lost your get up and go

It’s just a number, Happy Birthday.

It is a big number though

LIFE BEGINS AT 40 # 1

 

You may be 40

But don’t worry, yet

You’re not over the hill

So don’t you fret

There is nothing to fear

It’s only a number you know

You won’t suddenly get all wrinkly

Or ache from head to toe

It’s just a number, Happy Birthday.

You do look old though

MILESTONE 60 # 1

 

You may be 60

But don’t worry, yet

You’re not over the hill

So don’t you fret

There is nothing to fear

It’s only a number you know

Think of it as ripening

Don't think of it as a blow,

You won't suddenly look haggard

That happened long ago

It’s just a number, Happy Birthday.

You are an age though

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD

 

Happy birthday dad

See, we did remember

Because you are so dear

Just like every year

 

We will never forget

We just wish and wish

You were still here

Just like every year

 

So we wish you

A happy birthday

And wipe away a tear

Just like every year

 

Harold Curtis 19/6/1922 – 8/5/1978

I GOT A TABLET FOR MY BIRTHDAY

 

I got a Tablet for my Birthday

My wife said “Hip hip hooray”

And I lost all interest in the plasma

When I saw it was Viagra

REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS CAN BE TRICKY

 

Remembering birthdays can be tricky

And forgetting can leave the wicket sticky

The best way to remember an important date

Is to forget it - but just the one time mate

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY AND I’M SEVENTY THREE

 

It’s my birthday today and I’m seventy three

And I’m fit as a fiddle, nothing wrong with me

Although my memory's not like it used to be

And also my memory's not like it used to be

FOR MY 60TH BIRTHDAY

 

For my 60th birthday

I bought myself a sports car

It’s my pride and joy

Not that’s it’s been very far

As there is a slight problem

An oversight I have to admit

I need a hip replacement

Before I can get in it

MY 50TH

 

My 50th was approaching

A milestone for us males

I’d dropped loads of hints

Because hinting never fails

“I want something new and shiny,

And for further details,

Go from 0 to 150

And all that that entails”

Well, she went and bought me

A new set of bathroom scales

MILESTONE BIRTHDAY

 

I’ve been dreading, turning forty,

But it occurred to me then

That I won’t really be 40

I’ll just be thirty 10

THE ANNUAL BIRTHDAY BBQ BASH 2010

 

Don’t the years go quick?

It’s another birthday BBQ

It’s that time of year again

When acquaintance is renewed

 

When family and friends

Come affably together

To eat a hearty meal outdoors

And sod the English weather

 

The beer and wine is chilled

The buffet has been prepared

The BBQ is well alight

No planning has been spared

 

So everything is set fair

Most of the guests are here

But never wanting to be the first

Ted and Rene are last to appear

 

So a brace of Ted’s, a pair of Paul’s

Tina and Becky, Rosemary and Rene

Not to forget Gordon and Wendy

Were all assembled at the scene

 

I should also mention the children

As they are part of the family

But we kept them locked away

And they were forgotten easily

 

We sat in the quiet shade

Beneath the big gazebo

Erected against the expected rain

That thankfully failed to show

 

At last, it’s time to eat

And excitement is running high

As everyone stood up

Tina poked Rosemary in the eye

 

And what did the assailant do

When seeing the result of this act

Was she humbly apologetic?

No, she laughed out loud in fact

 

Then suddenly a disaster occurred

Unrivalled at any previous year

And the nature of this calamity

We were running out of beer

 

So, a quick dash out in the car

To the “Happy Shopper” store

And hopefully unnoticed

Return to home once more

 

I returned and an eerie hush descended

Silencing the function

But nothing sinister occurred

It was simply quiet consumption

 

When the pudding plates were empty

And glasses were refreshed

The dishwasher could be heard

Washing away the mess

 

The afternoon passed nicely by

In comfortable affability

With moments of silliness

And not a small amount of frivolity

 

Tina with hand outstretched

With a ruby ring on her finger

Like the time of her engagement

“Oh, look see the light linger”

 

As usual on these occasions

The cat got all the attention

Not the birthday boy and BBQ chef

I just thought that I would mention

 

And when enough alcohol was drunk

Tea and coffee arrived instead

Not that anyone got smashed

Only a glass, and that was Ted

 

There were uninvited guests

Flies and wasps descended

But traps were set for the Jaspers

And one got decapitated

 

All too soon the time had come

For folk to wend their way

And fond farewells were said

Until we meet on another day

 

Then came the time to draw a breath

And reflect on the festivity

Then open another can of beer

And say happy birthday to ME

THANK YOU TINA

Thank you for all your effort

Your support and comfort

Thank you for all your baking

Your salads and bread making

Thank you for the salad tossing

Oh, and not forgetting the defrosting

Thank you for all the ways

You made it such a special day

 

Thank you for making it such a wonderful birthday

 

All my love Paul xxxxxxxxxxx

 

PS,

I will forgive your one mistake

i.e. The absence of a birthday cake 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY # 20

 

I wish you a happy birthday

And I won’t mention your age

But if you were a bottle of wine

You would definitely be vint-age

If you were a wheel of cheese

You would certainly be mature

And if you were a sports car

You’d be a classic that’s for sure

You are someone special

A one off you’re quite unique

But to be honest you should accept

You’re actually an antique