I DON’T DO BANANAS

 

I don’t do bananas and I don’t do dates

She announced to everyone

Which immediately begged the question

Then what do you do for fun?

YOU HAVE A REALLY DAZZLING SMILE # 1

You have a really dazzling smile

But teeth shouldn’t be that white

That they act like a hi-vis vest

When you go out at night

I’D LOVE A SECOND HONEYMOON

 

“I’d love a second honeymoon”

His wife said to him

He replied “what a good idea,

Who will you go with then?”

HE WAS A SERIOUS SWIMMER

 

He was a serious swimmer

And was in the pool constantly

But his progress was halted

In his lane, by an elderly lady

“How long must I wait?” he asked

She replied “until I finish my pee”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 218

There was an old wife

Who did eat an apple;

But she spat it out,

“Bloody Golden Delicious”

ARE YOU WEARING A CONFIDENT AIR?

 

Are you wearing a Confident Air?

There is certainly a hint of smugness I can trace

Just remember that confidence is at its peak

Just moments before you fall flat on your face

PUT DOWN # 52

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

If he starts spinning you a line

Just say if you tire of his fawning

Did you eat a bowl of stupid

For breakfast this morning?