CHRIST THE REDEEMER
Christ the redeemer
He died on the cross
He died to save us
And His majesty
Made of the world
A place of hope
A place of grace
A place of freedom
A place of love
He called us from the darkness
Into His loving light
GOD IS IN MY FINGERS
God is in my fingers
When I play guitar
God is in my footsteps
When I must travel far
God is in my lips
When I whistle a tune
God is in my voice
When I sing or croon
God is my protector
When my goal is reached
God is in my heart
When his word is preached
God is my salvation
In every single way
God is in my heart
Every single day
OH GOD IN HEAVEN
Oh God in heaven
I thank you
For your son
For supporting me
Embracing me
Accepting me
For offering me your hand
Your loving hand
We sing oh Lord
To praise you
For you support us
Embrace us
Accept us
You offer us your hand
Your loving hand
We give ourselves oh Lord
Into your love
SING IN PRAISE TO GOD ON HIGH
Sing in praise
To God on high
Accept Him
Into your heart
Sing in praise
To God our Lord
Accept His
Great gift of love
Sing in praise
To God on high
Accept Him
Into your life
Sing in praise
To God our Lord
Accept Him
As your saviour
IN THE SHADOW OF THE CROSS
When the world
Appears a troubled place
When you see pain
Etched into every face
Look for hope
In the shadow of the cross
When evil lives
In the hearts of man
When our neighbours
Plot our destruction
Look for hope
In the shadow of the cross
When you are burdened
With anxiety and fear
When you are so desperate
For someone to hear
Look for Him
In the shadow of the cross
THE BORN AGAIN GOD
Kneeling before the cross,
A simple sign of faith
A potent symbol of his love
A symbol whose holy shadow
Casts the light of love across the world
I am in the presence of the Lord
I feel His hand on my shoulder
His love in my heart
I find I am at peace
In the presence of the lord
I feel His reassuring presence
The Son of God
The Prince of Peace
Who died upon the cross
Who died on a hill in Calvary
And was born again
I feel the power of His glory
I feel at peace
I feel his Godliness
His Goodliness
He surrounds me with his love
And he comforts me
Making the world a less savage place
Thursday 21 October 2010
SENIOR HUMOUR
SENIOR CONTRCEPTION
Jimmy was in his seventies
And took himself a young wife
He biggest concern was fatherhood
At his time of life
“What birth control would you suggest?
Which would be best for me?”
He asked his doctor, who replied
“I think in your case, nudity”
SENIOR LIFT
I’m now officially old
And the tell tale indicator
Is that I just heard
My favourite song in the elevator
SENIOR DIVAN
I’m now officially old
And the tell tale indicator
Is that having sex in a single bed
Isn’t an option any longer
Jimmy was in his seventies
And took himself a young wife
He biggest concern was fatherhood
At his time of life
“What birth control would you suggest?
Which would be best for me?”
He asked his doctor, who replied
“I think in your case, nudity”
SENIOR LIFT
I’m now officially old
And the tell tale indicator
Is that I just heard
My favourite song in the elevator
SENIOR DIVAN
I’m now officially old
And the tell tale indicator
Is that having sex in a single bed
Isn’t an option any longer
Tuesday 19 October 2010
I MAY NOT ALWAYS TELL YOU
I may not always tell you
But you are everything to me
When I awaken in the morning
You're first in my thoughts
How much simpler life would be
If only I could say
I love you for being you
I love you for loving me
The love we feel the deepest
Is the hardest to express
But in your heart you must know
How much I love you
How much simpler life would be
If only I could say
I love you for being you
I love you for loving me
Emotions and the feelings
I sometimes tend to hide
But when we're together
I count my blessings
How much simpler life would be
If only I could say
I love you for being you
I love you for loving me
You're first in my thoughts
Every moment of every day
I should just say “I love you”
But this is not the way for me
How much simpler life would be
If only I could say
I love you for being you
I love you for loving me
But you are everything to me
When I awaken in the morning
You're first in my thoughts
How much simpler life would be
If only I could say
I love you for being you
I love you for loving me
The love we feel the deepest
Is the hardest to express
But in your heart you must know
How much I love you
How much simpler life would be
If only I could say
I love you for being you
I love you for loving me
Emotions and the feelings
I sometimes tend to hide
But when we're together
I count my blessings
How much simpler life would be
If only I could say
I love you for being you
I love you for loving me
You're first in my thoughts
Every moment of every day
I should just say “I love you”
But this is not the way for me
How much simpler life would be
If only I could say
I love you for being you
I love you for loving me
UNDER ACHIEVING
UNDER ACHIEVING
Gillian finished her first week at school
And had a very unhappy look on her face
She said to her mum who was showing concern
“I’m just wasting my time at that place”
Mum asked her “why ever do you think that?”
Then Gillian exploded in an angry squawk
“Well mother I can't read and I can't write,
And then they won't even let me talk!'
WRINKLE FREE
I have discovered a great way
To get wrinkle free skin
I just eat as much as I want
And the fat fills them in
TWIN DELIGHT
My friend has got a new girlfriend
And he’s sleeping with her and her twin
I asked how he could tell them apart
He said her brother has stubble on his chin
CATWALK STRUT
She strutted down the catwalk
In an outfit to make the critics talk
It was called simply “Iridescence”
And had a lustrous, brilliant appearance
Her outfit was called the wonder of the age
I think I’d prefer something in beige
AN ACT OF VANDALISM
Applying a tattoo
On a beautiful woman’s skin
Is something akin
To drawing a moustache
On the Mona Lisa
Or a Chad on the ceiling
Of the Sistine chapel
The only things that can enhance
A woman’s beauty
Is a smile about her lips
And a glow upon her cheek
WEDDING VOW
When to my wife I was wed
My father-in-law to me said
I will give you ten acres and a cow
I’ve waited for the land for 10 years now
UNTRUE SUE
I sit at home alone
Waiting by the telephone
Hoping to hear her tender tone
But all the time I knew
It was fruitless to pursue
The fickle heart of Sue
I’ll spend no more nights alone
Waiting for Sue to phone
I’m better off on my own
So let me warn you about sue
Before she gets her hooks in you
Her love is definitely untrue
For as soon as you’re apart
The infidelity will start
For she has a cheating heart
ROMANTIC GESTURE
My wife told me to be more romantic
And to book a table for Valentines Day
When we arrived at the snooker hall
I can tell you there was all hell to pay
PARTIALITY
Have you always been partial to a skinny red head?
But you married a twenty stone brunette instead
Have you always hankered for someone small and petite?
Instead you married a woman with size ten feet
Were you attracted to intelligent women with wit?
But instead you married some uncouth twit
Did you always fancy a girl with figure that swings?
But instead you’re stuck with miss bingo wings
Do you ever think your perfect woman got away?
Well you are not alone because I think it every day
Gillian finished her first week at school
And had a very unhappy look on her face
She said to her mum who was showing concern
“I’m just wasting my time at that place”
Mum asked her “why ever do you think that?”
Then Gillian exploded in an angry squawk
“Well mother I can't read and I can't write,
And then they won't even let me talk!'
WRINKLE FREE
I have discovered a great way
To get wrinkle free skin
I just eat as much as I want
And the fat fills them in
TWIN DELIGHT
My friend has got a new girlfriend
And he’s sleeping with her and her twin
I asked how he could tell them apart
He said her brother has stubble on his chin
CATWALK STRUT
She strutted down the catwalk
In an outfit to make the critics talk
It was called simply “Iridescence”
And had a lustrous, brilliant appearance
Her outfit was called the wonder of the age
I think I’d prefer something in beige
AN ACT OF VANDALISM
Applying a tattoo
On a beautiful woman’s skin
Is something akin
To drawing a moustache
On the Mona Lisa
Or a Chad on the ceiling
Of the Sistine chapel
The only things that can enhance
A woman’s beauty
Is a smile about her lips
And a glow upon her cheek
WEDDING VOW
When to my wife I was wed
My father-in-law to me said
I will give you ten acres and a cow
I’ve waited for the land for 10 years now
UNTRUE SUE
I sit at home alone
Waiting by the telephone
Hoping to hear her tender tone
But all the time I knew
It was fruitless to pursue
The fickle heart of Sue
I’ll spend no more nights alone
Waiting for Sue to phone
I’m better off on my own
So let me warn you about sue
Before she gets her hooks in you
Her love is definitely untrue
For as soon as you’re apart
The infidelity will start
For she has a cheating heart
ROMANTIC GESTURE
My wife told me to be more romantic
And to book a table for Valentines Day
When we arrived at the snooker hall
I can tell you there was all hell to pay
PARTIALITY
Have you always been partial to a skinny red head?
But you married a twenty stone brunette instead
Have you always hankered for someone small and petite?
Instead you married a woman with size ten feet
Were you attracted to intelligent women with wit?
But instead you married some uncouth twit
Did you always fancy a girl with figure that swings?
But instead you’re stuck with miss bingo wings
Do you ever think your perfect woman got away?
Well you are not alone because I think it every day
A LITTLE BIT OF LUST
DIRTY DANCING
Joanne the willowy vixen
Willing and welcoming
Dancing on the pole
Writhing and gyrating
Erotically cavorting
Like a gracile courtesan
Suppliantly performing for the clientele
Of dirty old men and drunken letches
Debasing herself for meagre reward
In seedy surroundings
Selling herself to wealthy businessmen
With her nakedness she begs
For more paper currency
She calls herself an exotic dancer
But she’s no better than the geisha
Who satisfies a Mikado’s libido
SPANISH MAIDEN
The Spanish maiden with the come hither look
Resplendent with curves shaped to arouse
A maiden possessing that perfect combination
Of come to bed eyes and a gaping blouse
THE PARAMOUR
I have always been magnanimous by nature
Generous of heart and noble of spirit
Kind, forgiving blah blah blah
In short I have always been a door mat
I don’t get to be the significant other
I am destined to forever be the paramour
The elicit lover, skulking in the dark
Never to come out into the light
Never to be amative, never to show my feelings
Always effacing myself in public
Confined to simple flirtatious episodes in view
And elicit sexual dalliances behind closed doors
Hotel doors mainly, locked against the world
Sometimes another mans bedroom door
With another mans wife or fiancé
I am not proud of what I do, but I do it anyway
THE HUNTER
Pubs and clubs he scours
In the wee small hours
To use his seductive powers
On the maidens he devours
Then in the early hours
The maidens he deflowers
Are left like wilting flowers
He then returns to gothic towers
Where he then showers
BLACK MASS
She slipped off her long leather coat.
Revealing just her underwear
Standing before me dressed all in black
A leather Basque, lace panties
A garter belt and stockings
And six-inch stiletto heels
I was instantly aroused
And wanted her there and then
But instead she knelt before me
At the alter of my lust
And took the sacrament
SPEAK DIRTY TO ME
She wears sexy underwear
And speaks dirty to me
I handle her roughly
Like a rag doll
I bend her to my will
I grope at her breasts
Toy with her nipples
My fingers first probe
Then penetrate her hot wetness
And revel in her response
Then she begs me to enter
And as I do I feel her shudder
Such burning passion
Consumes us both
As we are lost in the baseness of the act
Filthy words spill from her lips
As we exorcized our lust
Then sweet ecstasy
In the moment
Of our passions culmination
A LITTLE BIT OF IRISH
She is my southern Irish bundle of fun
If you want a good time girl she’s the one
She drinks like a fish and dances till dawn
She’ll run around naked on your front lawn
She likes to gamble but doesn’t do drugs
And likes to drink Guinness from mugs
She is the one who paints the town red
There’s never a dull moment it has to be said
Then later you can have a quiet Canoodle
Until you unleash her inner sex poodle
Then she’s a sex crazed Barbie doll
Who doesn’t know when to stop at all
For outside she’s sweet as apple strudel
While inside she’s a spanky sex poodle
COLLAR AND CUFFS
Hey there blondie I really like your hair
But I bet that it’s a different shade down there
I bet you don’t have any white blonde thatch
Your collar and cuffs certainly won’t match
Or maybe a mismatch really isn’t anticipated
Possibly you have already defoliated
I don’t mind you with or without down below
I’m am an easy to please kind of fellow
And if you’re a bottle blonde I don’t care
Or if there is a mismatch with body hair
Any way it comes that’s my simple philosophy
And besides it’s not something I’m likely to see
Joanne the willowy vixen
Willing and welcoming
Dancing on the pole
Writhing and gyrating
Erotically cavorting
Like a gracile courtesan
Suppliantly performing for the clientele
Of dirty old men and drunken letches
Debasing herself for meagre reward
In seedy surroundings
Selling herself to wealthy businessmen
With her nakedness she begs
For more paper currency
She calls herself an exotic dancer
But she’s no better than the geisha
Who satisfies a Mikado’s libido
SPANISH MAIDEN
The Spanish maiden with the come hither look
Resplendent with curves shaped to arouse
A maiden possessing that perfect combination
Of come to bed eyes and a gaping blouse
THE PARAMOUR
I have always been magnanimous by nature
Generous of heart and noble of spirit
Kind, forgiving blah blah blah
In short I have always been a door mat
I don’t get to be the significant other
I am destined to forever be the paramour
The elicit lover, skulking in the dark
Never to come out into the light
Never to be amative, never to show my feelings
Always effacing myself in public
Confined to simple flirtatious episodes in view
And elicit sexual dalliances behind closed doors
Hotel doors mainly, locked against the world
Sometimes another mans bedroom door
With another mans wife or fiancé
I am not proud of what I do, but I do it anyway
THE HUNTER
Pubs and clubs he scours
In the wee small hours
To use his seductive powers
On the maidens he devours
Then in the early hours
The maidens he deflowers
Are left like wilting flowers
He then returns to gothic towers
Where he then showers
BLACK MASS
She slipped off her long leather coat.
Revealing just her underwear
Standing before me dressed all in black
A leather Basque, lace panties
A garter belt and stockings
And six-inch stiletto heels
I was instantly aroused
And wanted her there and then
But instead she knelt before me
At the alter of my lust
And took the sacrament
SPEAK DIRTY TO ME
She wears sexy underwear
And speaks dirty to me
I handle her roughly
Like a rag doll
I bend her to my will
I grope at her breasts
Toy with her nipples
My fingers first probe
Then penetrate her hot wetness
And revel in her response
Then she begs me to enter
And as I do I feel her shudder
Such burning passion
Consumes us both
As we are lost in the baseness of the act
Filthy words spill from her lips
As we exorcized our lust
Then sweet ecstasy
In the moment
Of our passions culmination
A LITTLE BIT OF IRISH
She is my southern Irish bundle of fun
If you want a good time girl she’s the one
She drinks like a fish and dances till dawn
She’ll run around naked on your front lawn
She likes to gamble but doesn’t do drugs
And likes to drink Guinness from mugs
She is the one who paints the town red
There’s never a dull moment it has to be said
Then later you can have a quiet Canoodle
Until you unleash her inner sex poodle
Then she’s a sex crazed Barbie doll
Who doesn’t know when to stop at all
For outside she’s sweet as apple strudel
While inside she’s a spanky sex poodle
COLLAR AND CUFFS
Hey there blondie I really like your hair
But I bet that it’s a different shade down there
I bet you don’t have any white blonde thatch
Your collar and cuffs certainly won’t match
Or maybe a mismatch really isn’t anticipated
Possibly you have already defoliated
I don’t mind you with or without down below
I’m am an easy to please kind of fellow
And if you’re a bottle blonde I don’t care
Or if there is a mismatch with body hair
Any way it comes that’s my simple philosophy
And besides it’s not something I’m likely to see
THE TOM TOM BLUES
I want to get a Tom Tom
Or any make of Satnav
But my lady wife won’t hear of it
Not all the time I have
Her to map read for me
And give me vague directions
Saying left instead of right
At all the intersections
But it’s always my fault
When we take another detour
Though it’s her not paying attention
I don’t want to do this anymore
For she doesn’t really map read
She only reads her women’s mag
But that’s what I’m stuck with
A fifty year old sat nag
Or any make of Satnav
But my lady wife won’t hear of it
Not all the time I have
Her to map read for me
And give me vague directions
Saying left instead of right
At all the intersections
But it’s always my fault
When we take another detour
Though it’s her not paying attention
I don’t want to do this anymore
For she doesn’t really map read
She only reads her women’s mag
But that’s what I’m stuck with
A fifty year old sat nag
EURO TRASH
After another dismal round of European qualifiers
I think its time for a change
There are too may countries now
So I propose something radical
Norway and Sweden should merge
To become Swedway or Norden
Spain and Portugal could become
Sportugal, Porpain or Spugal
Denmark and Finland would be Finmark
Belgium and Holland would become Belland
Germany and Austria would either be
Gerstria or the fourth reich
The Balkan states could reform as Yugoslavia
Greece and Turkey could be Treece or Gurkey
The USSR could regroup, for sporting reasons only of course
And the home nations could combine to become England
I think its time for a change
There are too may countries now
So I propose something radical
Norway and Sweden should merge
To become Swedway or Norden
Spain and Portugal could become
Sportugal, Porpain or Spugal
Denmark and Finland would be Finmark
Belgium and Holland would become Belland
Germany and Austria would either be
Gerstria or the fourth reich
The Balkan states could reform as Yugoslavia
Greece and Turkey could be Treece or Gurkey
The USSR could regroup, for sporting reasons only of course
And the home nations could combine to become England
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