ASK A STUPID QUESTION # 2

 

I walked past a homeless man

As I went into Co-op express

On my way out he said, “Any Change?”

I replied “No, you're still homeless”

THE GIFT THAT JUST KEEPS GIVING

Doctors have found a type of food

Which leaves an ache

And causes grief and suffering

Years after we partake

It has now been identified

As wedding cake

CREATURES OF GREEK MYTHOLOGY – SPHINX

 

There was a dreadful union between the giant immortal Typhon

And the black fearful eyed Echidne, half serpent, half woman

The Sphinx was the bizarre result of this most Unnatural union

And it had the body of a lion and the upper parts of a woman

She also had the wings of an eagle as well as the tail of a serpent

And guarding the entrance to Thebes was how Her time was spent

Any traveler who wanted to enter Thebes had to first get past her

And to do that She would ask them a riddle that they had to figure

If the travelers were able to figure out the riddle, they had to try

They would pass safely by and she would by her own hand die

But if they were unable to figure out the riddle, they were given

They would not pass safely by and she would devour them then

Then One day on the road to Thebes the Sphinx met with Oedipus

And the Sphinx duly set him her complex riddle, which went thus

'So, what creature walks on four in the morning on two by day

And on three in the evening?' you must answer to pass by this way

Oedipus thought for a while, and then said the answer was known

'It is a man. When he’s a baby, he crawls on four, When full grown

He walks on two, and when he is an old man, he leans on a staff.'

With that said she let out a terrible scream like an hysterical laugh

Then the Sphinx threw herself to her death from atop the Acropolis

And wise Oedipus was then granted entrance to Thebes forthwith

IT’S AMAZING GRACE

 

A mortician was working late one night

His job was to check that all was right

He examined the dead bodies unhurried

Before they went to be cremated or buried

As he examined Mr. Schwartz’s body

The mortician made an amazing discovery

It was when he stripped the body to clean

He had the longest penis he’d ever seen!

"Sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician

"But I cannot send that off for cremation

It simply has to be saved for posterity."

And so, he removed it with a little surgery

He stuffed the huge penis into his briefcase

And took it home to show his wife Grace

"I have something to show you my dear

Something that you won't believe I fear,"

And slowly he opened up his briefcase

“Oh god! Schwartz is dead!" screamed Grace

SO SUPERIOR # 7

 

I feel so superior

To foreign visitors

As I know where to stand

When riding escalators

I CAN’T BELIEVE THE SIZE OF MY WATER BILL

I can’t believe the size of my water bill

It’s really getting me down

According to Oxfam for £3 a month

I can supply a whole town

SEXY WEATHER

 

Here’s something you may already know

Sex is very much like snow

When you are in the clinches

You never know how many inches

You are going to get in elevation

Or how long it will last in duration