TROUBLE AT MILL

 

It’s an absolute calamity

I’ve never heard the like of it

I just heard on the news

Up north they are running out of grit

 

What will become of us?

When the north is finally bereft

It was the northern grit

That made this nation the best

EURO TRASH # 2

 

It’s really great not being a foreigner

As I don’t have to ask myself whether

The man with a feather in his hat is a forester

A customs man or a rural police officer

FOREIGN JOHNNY’S # 3

 

Feeling superior to Johnny foreigner

Is not balderdash

As I don’t wake to find my garden

Covered in volcanic ash

FOREIGN JOHNNY’S # 4

It’s really great not to be

A Johnny foreigner

Because driving on

British roads I will never

Need to avoid potholes

That are

Big enough to hide

A double decker

EURO TRASH # 3

 

It’s really great not

Being a foreigner

As my countrymen

Don’t wear hats with a feather

RULE BRITANNIA # 1

 

It’s great not being

Foreign all the same

As my country rarely

Changes its name

MAD DOGS # 1

 

It’s great being English

And not just for the pounds

As we don’t burn down embassies

On theological grounds

EURO TRASH # 4

 

I am proud not to be

A European I must admit

As I don’t have to display

My virility or permit

Myself to be chased by bulls

And avoiding fighting it

EURO TRASH # 1

 

I simply feel so superior

To every European person

As I don’t eat cheese at breakfast

Or put marmalade on bacon

FOREIGN JOHNNY’S # 2

 

Without a doubt not being

A foreigner is for the best

As I don’t have to eat snails

Snakes or even bird nests

FOREIGN JOHNNY’S # 1

 

The great thing about

Not being a foreign Johnny

Is when on trains and buses?

Rug sellers do not approach me

Nor do half the passengers

Ride on the top for free

SO SUPERIOR # 1

The great thing about being

Superior to foreigners

Is not indulging in ritual

Stoning of adulterers

BLOODY FOREIGNERS # 3

 

I have found many reasons

Not to be foreign without doubt

Such as papers and magazines

With none of the bits cut out

BLOODY FOREIGNERS # 2

 

I have found many reasons

Not to be foreign as yet

Such as not having to marry

A girl I have never met

RULE BRITANNIA # 4

 

I say I’m glad to be British

And similar refrains

Because when riding through

Our towns in cars and trains

We do not see any sacred cows

Wearing daisy chains

SO SUPERIOR # 4

 

It’s so great to feel superior

To foreigners in oh so many ways

Like expecting today’s cabinet

To be much the same as yesterdays

SO SUPERIOR # 2

 

It’s ok to feel superior

To foreigners and heretics

As witchcraft plays little part

In British politics

SO SUPERIOR # 3

It’s ok to feel superior

To foreigners and heretics

As poisoning play’s little part

In British politics

RULE BRITANNIA # 2

 

I am proud to be British

And the reason why

I am never expected

To fight giant octopi

RULE BRITANNIA # 3

 

I am proud to be British

Like many realists

As I am not expected to be

Scarred by duelists