WHAT NOT TO DO IN HORROR MOVIES # 3

 

When there is a raging storm outside

And an intruder with murderous intent

And the power suddenly goes out

Do not go and search the basement

WHEN I WAS YOUNG WE ATE A HEALTHY DIET # 1

 

When I was young, we ate a healthy diet

With plenty of fruit and vegetables

And we didn’t do it under sufferance   

Apart from prunes which were medicinal

INTERLOCUTOR RESPONSE

“Is it true if you’re asked a question

You answer with another question?”

A young man asked his new bride 

“Who told you that?” she replied

HE DIALED 999

He dialled 999 and said.

“Send an ambulance, my wife is in Labour”

“Is this her first baby?” the operator asked

“No, this is her husband, Trevor”

THE ROADS WERE UNEVEN AND BUMPY

 

The roads were uneven and bumpy,

Potholed and rutted

Which is no more than what

You come to expect

Of a third world country

Unfortunately, I was driving in Surrey

THE OVER 50 EXERCISE PLAN

 

With a 2kg potato bag in each hand,

Extend your arms straight out from your sides

And hold them there as long as you can.

Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold

This position for just a bit longer on this plan.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 5kg potato bags.

Then try 25kg potato bags and eventually 50kg bags

When you are ready put a potato in each of the bags.

I DECIDED TO TAKE AN AEROBICS CLASS FOR SENIORS

 

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.

And I had to gyrate, jump, twist and bend

And I sweated for an hour, but, by the time I got

My leotard on, the class was already at an end