YOU KNOW WHEN YOU ARE CLAPPED OUT

 

You know when you are clapped out

And not vital any more

When the doc tells you

To slow down instead of the law

ARE SAFARI PARKS DISCRIMINATORY?

 

Are Safari parks discriminatory?

Yes, they most certainly are

Because they make no attempt

To accommodate those without a car

THE TEMPERATURE OF SEX

 

An old man was at the doctors

“I have a question you may think silly

Well after my wife and I have sex,

I'm usually cold and chilly

But then, after the second time

I'm usually hot and sweaty"

The doc replied “Well that is strange

Let’s discuss it with Betty”

The doctor repeated the tale

And she replied with disgust

"The first time is in January

And the second is in August"

APPARENTLY OWNING A DOG

 

Apparently owning a dog

Can take ten years off you

I now have four of them

But I still look sixty-two

CANDY CRUSH

 

He is a bit of a technophobe

If I have to tell the truth

So, he thinks Candy Crush

Is a stripper from his youth

SHE WAS MARRIED TO HIM

She was married to him

For three years, just over

And didn't know he drank

Until he came home sober

DIETING TIP # 3

 

I don’t know all the science involved

It’s something to do with gravity

But anything you consume while you

Are standing up contains no calories