MILESTONE BIRTHDAY

 

I’ve been dreading, turning forty,

But it occurred to me then

That I won’t really be 40

I’ll just be thirty 10

SENIOR RETIREMENT

 

At last, I’m retired

It’s just what I desired

So goodbye to the tension

And hello to my pension

PARTY ANIMAL

 

I went to a party

And I really dressed to kill

A werewolf and a full moon

Seemed to fit the bill

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 55

 

One, two, three, four, five.

Once I caught a fish alive,

Now you don’t see that every day

Not on the Thames anyway

SEXUAL PREFERENCES # 3

 

I don’t have a favourite,

I love them all

Shorty and sporty

Petite and tall

 

Dowdy and flashy

High and mighty

Shy and vivacious

Safe and flighty

 

I love Juicy Lucy

Smelly Kelly,

Scraggy Maggie

And Silly Millie

 

I love Gay Mei

And Straight Kate

Spotty Dotty

And Plain Jane’s great

 

So is Jolly Molly

Clingy thingy

Obese Louise

And Skinny Ginny

 

I love Boozey Suzie

Sweaty Betty and all

I love them long,

I love them short, I love them tall

TUNNEL OF SELF LOVE

 

When a narcissist’s riding of

The tunnel of love is planned

He’ll want to sit alone in a car

So, he can hold his own hand

TRAFFIC CALMING MEASURES

 

The highways department have decided

In a review of speed management

To replace the current

Traffic calming measures

No more speed bumps

Or chicanes

Flashing road signs or traffic cameras

No bollards or over painted road surfaces

A newer cheaper alternative has been found

To promote road safety

So, the highways dept have decided

Just to stop repairing potholes

Because they really slow drivers down