ARE YOU WEARING BUBBLE WRAP?

 

Are you wearing bubble wrap?

Well that is a novel form of dress

But if I were to start popping the bubbles

Would that cause you any distress?

ARE YOU WEARING A SAILOR SUIT?

Are you wearing a sailor suit?

Are you trying to look cute?

Or are you trying to win a bet

Either way you just look wet

ARE YOU WEARING A DUNCE’S CAP?

 

Are you wearing a dunce’s cap?

Of course that’s not inappropriate

I’m sorry to act surprised it’s my fault.

For a second I forgot you were an idiot

THEY WANTED TO SPICE UP THE SEX

 

They wanted to spice up the sex

To get back on the same page

So she dressed as a mummy

As she thought he was into bandage

ARE YOU WEARING A DISGUISE?

 

Are you wearing a disguise?

I think that’s probably wise

For to risk discovery is rash

For special agent Dick Splash

ARE YOU WEARING IT FOR A LAUGH?

 

Are you wearing it for a laugh?

It’s overly sweet in fact it’s cloying

I know it’s supposed to be funny

But to me it’s just annoying

MY WIFE WAS INVITED TO GO

 

My wife was invited to go

On a girls' night out recently

The invite said “dress to kill”

So, she went as Myra Hindley

GOING TO A FANCY DRESS PARTY

 

My friend told me he was going

To a fancy dress party

Dressed as an Italian island

I told him not to be Sicily

A STRESSED-OUT MOTHER AND HER CHILD

 

A stressed-out mother and her child

Went into the fancy dress shop

Rushing around from pillar to post

Without a moments pause or stop

“Here try this one” the mother said

Grabbing a Devils suit in a whirl

Her six year old daughter retorted

“I don’t want it, I’m not an evil girl”

AT A FANCY DRESS PARTY

 

At a fancy dress party, my mate

Went dressed as a car number plate

What a guy he’s an absolute “Ledge”

And to top it all his name is Reg

ARE YOU WEARING ROMAN ROBES?

 

Are you wearing Roman robes?

They’re very loose and flowing

And they fit where they touch

Without any detail showing

Which keeps a man guessing

I really like that about them

Because it’ll be a surprise later

When I take you up the forum

ARE YOU WEARING A TOGA?

 

Are you wearing a toga?

I don’t want to be an ogre

But you’ll be a hit alright

At the house party tonight

As everyone will be knowing.

Because you will be showing

That beneath the flowing robes

You have unfettered globes

ARE YOU WEARING A HORSES HEAD?

Are you wearing a horse’s head?

Are you supposed to be PUCK?

Oh, you’re running the marathon

Well, aren’t you the silly fool 

ARE YOU WEARING A KILT?

Are you wearing a kilt?

Won’t your extremities wilt?

Well, you’re a very hardy guy

And a braver man than I

You are pant less are you not?

Oh, so you’re not a proper Scot

So, you’re not very hardy guy

Nor a braver man than I

Well, if from tradition you avert

You’re just a man in a skirt 

ARE YOU WEARING A SASH?

 

Are you wearing a sash?

I think you’ll make a splash

And normally you’d be a smash

But isn’t that just a bit rash

I mean for this kind of a bash

For you only to wear a sash

RED VELVET

 

I think a velvet suit

Especially one red hued

And I must choose my words

So not to appear rude

But it’s not the most slimming

For a rather portly dude

ARE YOU WEARING LINCOLN GREEN?

 

Are you wearing Lincoln green?

Do you really think you should?

Because this isn’t merry England

And you aren’t Robin Hood

I WAS AT A FANCY DRESS PARTY

 

I was at a fancy-dress party

And looking for something tarty

I was beginning to lose hope

When I got an unexpected grope

And I was forced to conclude

When things got decidedly rude

That for the very best nooky

You should do it with a Wooky

PARTY GUEST

I went to a party

And I really dressed to kill

The SAS combat fatigues

Seemed to fit the bill

PARTY ANIMAL

 

I went to a party

And I really dressed to kill

A werewolf and a full moon

Seemed to fit the bill